AITA for telling my wife I didn’t want to go out with her if she wears Lolita everywhere?
So my wife recently got back into Lolita, and hard. If you don’t know, it’s a Japanese fashion involving beautiful dresses with patterns and designs, big petticoats, frilly blouses and accessories. It stands out from the kind of stuff your average Americans wear A LOT. She has a soft, cute face and the fashion really suits her. I love seeing her in it when she has the chance to dress up, and I love how happy it makes her. It’s really expensive, but it’s a splurge that makes her happy. Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, she told me she’d like to be able to wear Lolita every day as her dream. With the field she’s going into, and her theorized salary from it, this is completely possible. I admittedly froze. She picked up on this and asked if I was uncomfortable with the idea- I said yes. I’m happy to accompany her to meets, where other people will be wearing the fashion, and I love helping her plan her outfits. But I’m too much of a chicken shit to handle going out with it every single day. 1. I work a medical job, and I represent my company. I don’t want to put myself in the position where if I saw a patient in public, I would be embarrassed to introduce her as my wife due to the fashion she’s wearing. 2. We’re queer women in Texas. We get looks and comments anyway, and I don’t want to add fuel to the fire. 3. I would feel underdressed and awkward when she looks so cute and I’m in jeans and a tshirt. I told her again I would go to the meets and conventions with her, and can support it where there’s bigger crowds. But I’m super uncomfortable with a lot of attention— if she wants to wear it out, that’s fine! I won’t stop her at all. I just can’t go with her. She was sad but understood, and things were awkward the rest of the night. It kept me awake thinking about it. So I’m wondering, Reddit, am I the asshole? Edit one: Edited one of the points for clarity. Edit 2: Gold?! Thank you guys, wow. We really did NOT expect this to blow up! Wife and I have talked— this is largely a pipe dream for her, and she doesn’t think it’s realistic with where our finances are. But we wanted to talk about it if it was something she’d be interested in. We’ve found a lot of compromises and talked things out- she’s over the moon I care so much about something to make her happy and find our happy medium. Thank you all for your thoughts and your kind words.