Relationships My (24M) partner's (23F) close friend and boss (50'sM) at the mechanic shop needed a liver transplant. They had been on the list for a while and getting nowhere. Lots of us got tested and I was a match.
We were all happy and thrilled that this direct donation could take place.
A week before the surgery date, police showed up at our house to arrest my partner as her boss (person who was getting a piece of my liver) had accused her of theft. Claimed she'd stolen thousands from his bank account and stolen from the cash box.
The police showed us the Cctv in which she reaches into the box, takes money and walks out of frame. 15 times, 15 days, 15 accusations. The police admitted they had no proof it was theft and no clue on the amounts taken as she used the box to take customers money and change.
The police also said they didn't see how she accessed the bank accounts, and that they felt this was some sort of insurance fraud and they needed a scape goat.
I immediately rang the hospital and my transplant coordinator and backed out of the surgery. We got on with our lives, partner found a new job and attended the court date where the case was thrown out 6 months later.
A week after the case was dismissed, we got word boss had died. No one else had been a match or willing to get tested after news got out, and they never found a match in the transplant system in time.
I feel so guilty. I allowed someone to die, pretty much murdered them. I let pettiness get in the way of saving a life. Partner and friends feel I did the right thing, none of this is on me and not giving a piece of me to the person possibly putting my partner in prison for a long time, a week before surgery, is my choice and the right choice.
Bosses friends and family have been ringing non-stop, harassing us at our jobs and posting online a lot how I'm a murderer and killed boss. That I should have given the liver anyway and been a good person.
I feel I should have given it, but who bites the hand that feeds? I didn't want to get cut open, risk dying and other complications for someone who didn't care for me and mine, but now someone is dead from something I could have prevented.
I'm conflicted and losing sleep over this.
AITA for not giving my liver to the person accusing partner of theft and them later dying?
Edit: thank you for all the positive and informative feedback. I think seeing the outside, impartial view on this has helped me put it in perspective. I've only been focusing on my selfishness causing his death, as opposed to his actions contributing too.
I'll be getting some counselling, as suggested, to help deal with the constant what ifs in my brain and to help me move past this and to stop shouldering the burden.
Edit: Well, this blew up. Thanks for the awards and positive vibes everyone, much appreciated. Clearing up a few things - gf didn't steal, she was just doing her job getting change/paying invoices.
The wife (who admitted to stealing later) simply used footage of her accessing the cash box to try to make it seem like she stole. I didn't state she was innocent as its innocent until proven guilty, and she wasn't found guilty, my mistake.
- it's been pointed out that with boss so unwell, perhaps it wasn't him doing this, but his wife. That's a great point I never considered, and now makes me feel even more guilty. I should have checked. - we are in the UK so I guess our legal system works differently to the States in that I didn't have to pay a bail, just simply take her home and take her to the court dates.
This could be why the policemen told us straight it seemed like bull and were very candid and kind to us; they even bought us lunch when one went to Subway. - also as said, the surgery would have probably been cancelled anyway as I did have another welfare check (or two) scheduled for that week with the transplant team at the hospital and I was hugely stressed out.
My work gave me that week and the following off anyway for being such a good sport. - thanks for the dm's calling me a murderer, appreciated....
