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AITA for asking my stbx husband why I’d take him back when the nanny does more for the family than she does.
Family

AITA for asking my stbx husband why I’d take him back when the nanny does more for the family than she does.

My husband and I are separated, getting a divorce. We have a 3 year old and a 8 year old. He owns his own business and told me he’d get home at 5:30-6 every night. I get home at 6-6:30 so I never thought anything about him always getting home before me. I had our 3 year old in extended care at daycare and 8 year old in her school’s after school program because I believed he was working. Halfway through the school year last year I hired a nanny instead of the extended care programs after our oldest had problems with her program. I got a call from the nanny about 2 weeks in, saying my stbx husband locked them out and was telling her to take them to the park but the kids were hungry and she didn’t have car seats (his house is walking distance from school and daycare so she didn’t need car seats). I called him and he said he got home early and wanted some space from the kids and didn’t want a random 18 year old in the house. I had to leave work early to let the kids in. While I was talking to the nanny, she told me he was always home when she got home with the kids and that he was always difficult (demanding that she and the kids stay in one of the kids rooms, ignoring the kids if they tried to talk to him, getting mad at her for leaving the room for a snack). That was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I filed for divorce by the end of the next week and the kids and I moved out by the end of the next month. I ended up letting go of that nanny and now we have Amina, 24. Amina is a middle eastern refugee with 3 kids of her own, 2, 4 and 7. Hiring Amina is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I get to come home every day to a clean house, homework done, and some of the best Arabic food I’ve ever had. I have no idea how she manages to do everything but having her around means I get to enjoy my time with my kids, instead of trying to make dinner, clean up, and get my 8 year old to do her homework. She does the grocery shopping, keeps track of school events, and even handles things like clothes shopping for the kids and school supply shopping. My STBX never did any of that. I once left him with the kids for a week while I went on a work trip. They lived on McDonald’s and pizza, which wreaked havoc on my 8 year old’s stomach. The house was in the worst shape I’d ever seen it. Our 2 year old (at the time) ran out of clean clothes and he bought her new clothes instead of washing her dirty clothes. My stbx has been asking about getting back together. He says us being together is better for the kids. I told him he’s never thought about what’s good for the kids. Even when he takes them for the weekend, all they do is go to grandmas house. I asked why I should go back to him when Amina does more for us than he ever did. He argued that he works to provide for us but thought it was different from me also working (apparently close to double the hours he worked and for similar money). Now his family is accusing me of being a bad mom and saying if I cared about the kids I’d want them to have 2 parents. AITA?

Clara Jensen
AITA for not being intimate with my husband after he locked me outside naked until I would have sex with him?
Relationships

AITA for not being intimate with my husband after he locked me outside naked until I would have sex with him?

I gave birth 3 months ago. It was difficult and I hadn't been physically or emotionally ready for sex for a while. After the birth, I did not have sex with my husband until two months after. It was midday on the weekend and he tried to initiate with me, and I said no, and he took off my clothes, and I told him I wasn't ready yet. He dragged me to the back of the house and pushed me into the backyard and told me that he's had enough and he's tired of me turning him down and he won't let me back in until I want to have sex with him. I was completely naked in the backyard (it's fenced). I tried getting back in through the door and he wouldn't let me in and kept asking me if I wanted to be intimate and he wouldn't let me in. I broke down and started crying and I stayed out there for a while before I banged on the house and told him we can. He let me back in and I had sex with him but I was just lying there kind of crying. He said that me being naked outside wasn't that different from when I would be skinny dipping in the backyard pool or sunbathing outside and told me see? that wasn't so bad. I didn't talk to him much for the rest of the day. He asked me again that night and he kept asking me the next few days and I told him no every time. He apologized after and told me he was just at his breaking point and he probably shouldn't have done that but that he has needs and told me that we should start getting intimate again now. I haven't told anyone about this. I haven't been interested in being intimate with him in the last month and I don't know when I will again. He's tried to have sex with me, for example sometimes when I get out of the shower, but I haven't wanted to. He's been telling me he's been trying hard to keep up with his part, and he feels that as married partners we should be intimate with each other. I've seen him watching porn recently but I haven't said anything. I feel confused and ashamed. I haven't had the urge. AITA for not feeling like being intimate with my husband for so long?

Elise Dubois
AITA for breaking up with my bf after he said my pain during sex was hot to him?
Relationships

AITA for breaking up with my bf after he said my pain during sex was hot to him?

I usually just like vanilla sex, but my boyfriend started wanting more. He started wanting to be rough with me and recently he’s been doing things like pulling my hair, slapping my ass, and putting his hands on my neck so I couldn’t breath and I would start to pass out. We were having sex and he turned me around to be face down and he was pulling my hair and started slapping me while going fast into me. It was hurting and I told him this hurts hey can we not do it like this now and he didn’t say anything for a minute and then he started going faster and told me to tell him it hurts and i told him it hurts and he said this feels so good. I grabbed his hand off of my hair and I tried turning around but he just pushed my body down into the mattress and I tried telling him its hurting but he kept going and said he was going to finish and went for another minute and then he finished in me. He told me that was so hot and I told him it was painful and I don’t want to do it like that again and he told me that I didn’t even try to make him stop or push him off or anything so he thought I liked it and it was some of the best sex he’s ever had. I went to the shower and I started crying and it was hurting after still. I came out upset at him and he was just walking away from me and I was feeling insane and I was upset. He told me I was just inexperienced and that I needed to get used to different sex play with him. I told him I wasn’t interested in that anymore and I ended up breaking up with him and he told me I was throwing away our relationship because he wanted to try something new and I left.

Elise Dubois
AITA for not punishing my daughter the way my boyfriend would have liked?
Relationships

AITA for not punishing my daughter the way my boyfriend would have liked?

Today my boyfriend and 4yo daughter went to get a haircut together. My boyfriend has beautiful curls that I adore and he lets it grow pretty long. It never gets length it gets more and more curly. This time, he let it grow out way more than he normally has and became a bit self conscious about it, so he wanted to get it cut. My daughter has been wanting to get hers cut, so we decided it would be a good idea to get them done together. Bf went first and he decided to get it cut really short. We weren't able to see his forehead before and now we can, just to kind of give you a visual idea. When my daughter saw it she giggled and said "You look silly!" We were in the waiting area with two older men who were reading the newspaper when she said this and I told her it wasn't polite or nice to laugh at people for getting a haircut or looking different. I told her she wouldn't like it if she were laughed at and she said, "oh yeah, oopsie," then turned to him and said, "I'm sorry (bf's name) I just think you look silly with no curly curls. I'm sorry for laughing." I thought it was fine until he got up a few minutes later and said "way too fucking rude, I'm going outside." I asked him what? but he just went outside, and I looked over at the two men and one of them just shrugged and went back to his paper while the other looked like he didn't move at all. He then comes back and says "outside. now." where he told me he wanted me to cancel her haircut, take her home and punish her by taking her Nintendo 2DS away for the rest of the day and making her go to sleep early. I told him no, because she already apologized and I didn't want to miss her haircut since we were already waiting forever. He ended up leaving us when I went back inside. I wasn't able to find a ride home and he wouldn't answer my calls. We live about a 20 minute walk away (5 minute car ride) so we had to walk home through melting ice and snow while climbing snowbanks to avoid being on the highway due to the sidewalks being blocked by snow and ice. I'm 4 months pregnant and I have been having bad lower body/lady parts pressure that escalates into pain when I'm up and about too much, so the climbing really hurt. He knows this because he has taken me to my doctor about it. He had my apartment keys so we weren't able to get inside right away and when we did get inside the building, I found my apartment unlocked with all of his stuff (tv, console, clothes) gone and my keys hanging on the wall. Our socks and shoes were soaked and I kind of hobbled to my bedroom and laid down with my heating pad. He eventually answered me and said it was my punishment for not punishing my daughter. Am I the asshole? Tldr: daughter laughed at boyfriend's haircut and he got offended. Wanted me to give her what I think of as an over-punishment and left us to walk home when I didn't agree.

Clara Jensen
AITA for kicking my mom out of my kid’s party after she tried to bring my ex’s son?
Relationships

AITA for kicking my mom out of my kid’s party after she tried to bring my ex’s son?

I (29M) broke up with my ex girlfriend over 5 years ago when I caught her cheating on me. We had a 7 month old son that I learned wasn’t mine after I demanded a paternity test and so I was out of his life after that. It hurt going through all that but what hurt the most was some people in my family being against me leaving “my son.” Some stopped talking to me, others I stopped talking to like my mom because she still wanted to accept my ex’s kid like her first grandchild. So I said fine and cut contact. Last year I had my first son. We celebrated his one year birthday on the 1st of this month. When my girlfriend got pregnant my mom reached out and wanted to make amends. For us to be in eachother’s lives. She said she hasn’t had any more contact with ex. I was mostly thinking for my son and that it would be nice for him to know his grandma so I gave her a chance. On the actual day of my son’s birthday, my brother saw my mom first and goes “oh shit.” He saw her getting out of the car with my ex’s kid from the window and he told me. My brother told me he had no idea she was gonna bring the kid and said he’ll keep her outside if I want. I went outside instead and my mom had the kid wait in the car while we talked. I was so pissed I remember yelling at her for trying to bring him to my son’s birthday. My mom kept apologizing for hiding it she just felt really bad because his real dad doesn’t want to be involved. And they still have pictures of me and him from when he was a baby so he still thinks he’s my kid. It was hard not to lose anymore of my cool so I just remember saying “get the fuck out and don’t ever come back or bring him around again.” It was a whole thing and everyone who was already there saw it play out. My mom left and my brothers were trying to cheer me up and get the party back in a happy mood for my son. Some family were in a bad mood and they left early. The shit storm happened after that and they’re mad for how I treated my mom. Even she’s said something too that she’s hurt how much I disrespected her and she knows it was wrong to lie, but she was really trying to make it easier on ex’s son by making him feel part of a family. She really thinks I need to give him a chance because I “loved him once.” I just hung up on her. Still everyone’s on me calling me a a-hole for callously kicking her out for having good intentions even if they were misplaced. AITA?

Elise Dubois
AITA for not helping my husband repair his relationship with our daughter after he excluded her from a "guys only trip"?
Advice

AITA for not helping my husband repair his relationship with our daughter after he excluded her from a "guys only trip"?

Essentially, my husband has decided he wants to have a "guys only" trip this summer with my son (13 M) and nephew (12 M). My daughter (11 F) is a tomboy who is into sports and fishing and extremely close with her brother and dad, and the three of them often spent a lot of time together. My husband and I discussed this, and I insisted my daughter be included, but he mentioned that he really wants this time with his son and nephew, without any women present. I eventually gave in on the boys only trip, but warned him that our daughter would be hurt, and it was up to him entirely to fix it. He promised me he would. Ever since my husband told her she couldn’t go, my daughter’s behavior has changed. She no longer hangs out with her brother playing video games, and she has been extremely distant with my husband. Just this past week, during the Super Bowl, while my son and husband were watching the game, my daughter was tucked away in her room. Watching the Super Bowl together has always been a tradition for the three of them to do together (I'm not into sports ball), but this year, my daughter didn’t join them. I asked her if she was okay, and she gave a "yeah" and continued reading a book. My husband noticed this behavior and tried to cheer her up by telling her he would plan something really cool, just the two of them, but our daughter told him she didn’t want to do anything. My daughter needed to be picked up early from school for a dentist appointment. My husband said he would pick her up, but she texted me, asking, “Please, mom, can you pick me up and bring me?” My daughter also has been getting the school bus in the morning instead of catching a ride with my husband and son, which she typically does. Now my husband has been complaining to me about our daughter, saying he’s done everything to make it up to her and that I need to step in. I told him she would be hurt by him excluding her from the trip, and it’s entirely his fault she’s icing him out. He says we should be a team and try to fix this together, but he’s the one who caused this hurt, so it shouldn’t be on me to fix it. It’s starting to affect our relationship now, too.

Luca Moretti
AITA for showing no sympathy for my brother and my stbex-wife after the loss of their baby and for refusing to let my parents talk to me about it?
Family

AITA for showing no sympathy for my brother and my stbex-wife after the loss of their baby and for refusing to let my parents talk to me about it?

I'm getting divorced from my wife, and I'll call her my wife in the post for clarity, of a decade. We have three kids together, two school aged and one preschool aged child. The last two years of our marriage were rough and I had no idea why. She pretended things were all good when talking to me, but complained about me to her family and friends non-stop. When I told her she could talk to me she was saying her family and friends were just trying to stir some shit and she wouldn't say I was lazy and ignored her which was a lot of what I was told. She said we'd get back to normal once all three kids were in school and we had more time for us. Then I found out she was having an affair with my brother. I found out via his ex-girlfriend who sent a photo of them kissing outside my brother's place. He broke up with her before the affair was revealed but he said a lot of shit about her and how she was paranoid and didn't trust him and she was proven to be right. When my wife said she was pregnant I knew the baby was my brother's and there was zero way for me to be the father. She tried to tell everyone she didn't know but the three of us knew. She knew we hadn't had sex in years. She was using the baby to try and make me more agreeable but I told her our marriage was over and I filed for divorce. She moved in with my brother and tried to take the kids but I stopped her because he lives 2.5 hours away and our school aged kids were not going to be able to make a 3 hour each way drive to school. Temporary custody was granted to me with visitation being granted to her. My parents were shocked and angry at my brother when I told them. He tried giving me shit for making them go after him and her when she was pregnant. I muted him because I didn't want to hear the BS but I also wanted to make sure everything in the divorce and custody went smoothly and I hope to maintain primary custody so I'll need to show they are better off with me. My parents did end up accepting them as a couple. I said I could understand them not giving up a child and grandchild but I don't want to hear about them. They said they respected this. A few weeks ago my wife had a stillborn baby. She and my brother blamed me for all the stress I put her under. She said being apart from our kids as much as she is was the biggest cause of her miscarriage and she sent a lot of vile texts and I replied to none of them. He also sent a number of them which I documented with hers. My parents came over to tell me about what happened and were shocked that I knew. They asked what I had said to my brother and wife. I told them nothing. I said I wasn't going to offer any sympathy to either of them after they did the dirty on me and fucked up mine and my kids' lives. My parents tried to talk about the loss and the baby and everything surrounding it but I shut it down and told them I was not going to be their shoulder to cry on or listening ear. I said my wish not to hear anything about my brother or wife had not changed because they lost a baby. They left my house angry and it took a couple of weeks for them to reach out again. They asked if I would be so rude to them again and I said if they tried to talk about this then yes. They asked if I had reached out to my brother and wife and I said no. They told me they had hoped to see me at the service and I told them it wouldn't happen. They said I didn't need to become such a cold hearted monster and times like these is where you put away the hate. I don't agree but I'm willing to entertain that maybe I'm wrong. AITA?

Jonas Bergström
AITA For Refusing To Come Clean And Ruining My Ex-Husband's Relationship?
Relationships

AITA For Refusing To Come Clean And Ruining My Ex-Husband's Relationship?

Throwaway Account I (42f) divorced my ex-husband "Chad" (42m) for cheating with his current wife "Rebecca" (30f) a few years back. I'll spare the details but basically something Chad did set off alarm bells so I did some snooping and discovered a paper trail that led me to Rebecca. I was furious and hurt but instead of confronting him about it then, I waited and collected evidence.  I found Rebecca on social media and joined one of the online clubs she was in. We had the same interests so it wouldn't be that be of a red flag if either Chad or Rebecca found out and I just played it cool. I waited until after our youngest was in school so I could get a part-time job and got Chad to pay for my certification so I could get a better job. During this time he would go on trips, book hotels, buy gifts, etc. with a "secret" account that I was able to access because I know Chad well enough to guess his passwords and that he only sets his alerts when someone tries to use it. After I had moved certain things out of the house without his knowledge and convinced him to take his name off of my car, I handed him the divorce papers of the hotel lobby he was in waiting for Rebecca. I had tons of pictures of them together but only showed three of them when he tried to deny and two more to his family when he tried to send them after me. Chad was up for a big promotion so I told him that we could either get this divorce over with or I could kick up a fuss which would make his employers reconsider his position. After I made it clear that I didn't want any alimony and that he could keep his retirement we went our separate ways. Shortly after that Rebecca got pregnant and they got married and she aggravates to no end, but since my kids never complained I was willing to just suck it up. Then recently, Rebecca decided to get a little arrogant and publicly criticized my parenting because my child didn't do so well at the end of the school year and how she'd raise her child to be "smart". In the heat of the moment (along with some built up anger) I lied and said it wasn't very smart of her to tip off the wife that she was the AP. Chad wasn't there, but his mom and sister were and he called me that night to ask about it. He always wondered how I found out and instead of telling the truth I said that Rebecca was the one who tipped me off with the photos and told me when/where they'd be. And for some strange reason Chad asked me to keep our kids for the whole summer which I was willing to do in exchange for getting them on Christmas. I heard a few weeks later that Chad and Rebecca didn't have a very good summer. Rebecca has been messaging constantly about this but if it doesn't have anything to do with my kids I, SILENT MODE. I was talking to my brother about this and he thinks that while it's understandable WHY I lied that it was still wrong, but since I don't care about Rebecca or Chad I have to ask AITA?

Anya Petrova
My boyfriend said women need to "serve" men in his family as it's a tradition. I'm beyond upset.
Family

My boyfriend said women need to "serve" men in his family as it's a tradition. I'm beyond upset.

My bf (28M) and I (24F) have been dating for roughly 2 years now. I've never met his family in person (they know of me) as they live quite far away and we're all busy with life. But recently, there was a family event for his nephew's first birthday. I went to the event with my bf and meeting his family and relatives was nice. They were sweet people and said they were happy to have me there. But once the dinner time came, my bf, who has never ever asked me of anything suddenly told me to 'get me my plate and food.' I was confused at first but then noticed that all the women present were taking care of handling the food to their partners. Instead of telling him anything, I just decided to do it. But the next thing was asking me to 'get him water' and then next 'get me tissues' and then next 'let's go wash hands' even when I wasn't done eating?? I was so baffled the whole time because I wanted to tell him to knock it off but given how all the men in the room was doing the same and the women following them, I didn't say anything until the event was over. Once it was done and we were going back, I asked him what tf was going on and was genuinely upset and he told me that's how his family tradition is and since men are far superior than women are, they're meant to serve and that of course I'll have to do the same once we get married so I need to warm up to it now?? This was possibly the weirdest and most awful conversation I've had with him because he's never brought up anything about his family or this tradition until I met them in person. He's never even mentioned any of this UNTIL now. I got so upset by the fact that he sees women as inferior but then he said it was not about inferiority but women are a good subset of humans that are more emotionally evolved to serve than men are, so it's a waste for them to not act that way?? He said us serving isn't a bad thing but actually a great thing that shows respect to our partners. We argued for a long time and he said I needed to consider my relationship with him if I wanted to marry him. We've had marriage talks since my own family is asking to consider him as well and I had no issues with it since he's a nice guy and always been good to me. It's just that he's never been this way and him bringing up tradition and knowing his opinion on women serving men and all that is making me consider my relationship. I haven't talked to him since and he's been saying sorry for making me upset and that I should stop being sensitive over a simple thing that I'll eventually get used to. But I'm not sure if this tradition is something that's normal to his culture and I'm reading too much between these lines. It's not that I wouldn't get him his plates or tissues but it's the context behind it that I do not like. Idk if I sound affirming of what he is saying but I'm not. I'm seriously conflicted over how his personality just seem to have changed and need some insight because I thought he was the perfect guy for me until this happened. Should I talk this out with him or something?

Anya Petrova
Aitah for telling my wife she’s just as racist as her parents
Relationships

Aitah for telling my wife she’s just as racist as her parents

I 53 M am white. My wife of 30 years Naomi is Japanese. We have three kids. This story focuses on my oldest son Kyle 28. When Kyle first got to college he began dating a Japanese girl and when he introduced her to my wife, Naomi loved her. They didn't end up working out. But for the past three years, my son has been seeing Dani, a black girl. My son was in medical school across the country and he ended up meeting Dani because they both were volunteers at a soup kitchen. I remember the first time he sent a picture of her, my wife immediately didn't like her. I'm going to try to phrase this without sounding ignorant myself. But she looks like the urban black girl most think of when African American women. She has the big hoop earrings, the long nails, the long eye lashes. I think she looks stunning, but I've never been in a situation where I was involved in African American culture. Recently my son moved back to our city for residency and Dani moved with him and started law school. They were staying in a Air bnb, while looking for a place and this week they finally found one. So they invited us over for dinner. Dani cooked soul food and this stuff was amazing. I complemented her food and my wife gave me the side eye. Naomi then pulled out her phone and asked Dani why does she dress like that and why was she twerking in public. Kyle asked my mom what her problem was, I then took the phone to scroll through Dani's instagram. And while she did have some videos of her having fun, she also had plenty of pictures of her a academic achievements. Before Dani could answer I told my wife Dani is young and having fun. I asked did she see that Dani graduated Cum laude or all the times she volunteered. My wife looked angry that I would bring that up. Naomi then said that she thinks that Dani isn't good enough for our son. Dani then asked why Naomi loved Kyle's ex so much. She didn't graduate with honors, she has many different boys that she posted on social media. Dani then said it's evident the reason Naomi doesn't like her is because of her race. Naomi doubled down and said so what. I've never heard Kyle even disrespect his mother but he told her to get the fuck out. Naomi left crying. In the car on the ride home I asked her what was her problem. She asked why didn't I defend her. I said because she was being a racist and a hypocrite and she's acting just like her parents. Her parents didn't like me because I was white. She just said it's different and was just silent on the way home. And when we got to the house she locked herself in the room and started crying. I can't feel bad for her because if someone disrespected my wife the way she disrespected Dani I would have absolutely did the same exact thing Kyle did. But Aita because I was also harsh towards her in this situation.

Elise Dubois
AITA for telling my husband to eff off over the finances?
Relationships

AITA for telling my husband to eff off over the finances?

I (40/F) work full time. My husband (46/M) is a stay-at-home-dad since COVID. Things were tight for a bit when he quit his full-time job and tried to start his own business (there were losses that caused debt). Finances have been a bit of a sore spot since his business failure. I've always made significantly more than him. I've always been supportive when he's wanted to change jobs, start his own business, etc. When he sent us into a death spiral of debt with a failing business venture that he refused to let go of was kind of a breaking point. He spent the majority of his time blaming me for our financial position which was absurd as I was the only one bringing in money. He was spending it faster than I could make it. He briefly got a job but then ended up quitting at staying at home when everything closed down. I was in an essential industry and had to go to work in person. Since he's been at home he's been extremely controlling over the finances. He obviously gets all the mail because he's at home. So, he opens all of the bills and then quizzes me over the charges. He "claims" it's to make sure they're legit charges but that's complete bull. The conversations are usually like this: Him: "Is the $5 charge ok?" Me: "Yes." Him: "What is it for?" Me: "It's a patreon subscription." Him: "What is the subscription for?" Me: "Why does it matter? I told you it was a legitimate charge." Him: "I want to know what it is for." Me: "Do I go thru all of your bills and ask you what every charge is for?" Him "....." Then the conversation will shift from making sure it's a legitimate charge to him making sure it's a "need" and not a "want." I'm sorry, but who the eff gave you the power to tell me I'm not allowed to get things I "want" when I bust my butt every day to make a good living? This year I brought in more than $300,000 (before taxes). More than enough to pay off all the remaining debt from his failed business attempt with more than enough left over for all of our needs AND quite a few wants. I lost it today when he was questioning me on purchasing clothes for our kids (both recently had a growth spurt and need some new stuff) that were on clearance. I told him to eff off, which I know was inappropriate, but I am SO SICK of having the justify every single penny I spend. Having him interrogate me over every purchase. I'm to the point where I want to get a secret credit card just so I don't have to deal with the incessant questions and outward displays of control from him. AITA? ETA: We have done marriage counseling. It helped in some areas until he decided he didn't trust the therapist anymore. Then the sessions stopped.

Elise Dubois
AITAH for exposing my fiancé to his family and ruining his life?
Family

AITAH for exposing my fiancé to his family and ruining his life?

Me(25F) and my fiance(26M) have been together for a decade and have our first child. Our relationship hasn’t always been rainbows and sunshine but it was steady and solid. Or so I thought. I just gave birth to our first child last November and is a sahm. Something we both decided and agreed to. My savings are substantial since I earned really good money and saved early on. My savings was gonna be used for our baby’s necessities while his income will cover the bills. The condo and two cars are under my name. The condo and my car are paid off. It’s only his car that is not. I put down half of the amount as a down payment so the monthly payments are not that high plus with my good credit, the interest was low. I did have plans on paying off his car and putting it in his when I got back to work. I’m currently on a 6mo hiatus from work due to sepsis from my c-section and other birth complications. Giving birth to our first child nearly killed me. I came back from my postpartum appointment last week and heard my fiancé’s diabolical plan. I did not expect to record it but the timing was just perfect. Let me set the stage. As I said I came home from my postpartum appointment and was told I have the green light to devour my fiancé. I gleefully went to VS to get lingeries and matching bras and panties because I was quite hot and ready to jump this man’s bones again. I was recording myself and the VS bags when I heard him. I thought it was even more perfect that he was home already and I got these goodies ready to show him. Possibly make a quick movie. So I continued recording but instead what I heard and recorded broke my heart. I’m so glad our baby can’t understand what’s going on yet because I don’t think I could handle explaining. My fiance of 10 years was cheating on me, had plans to take money from me through child support but actually have his parents take care of our baby, is planning to take the condo and cars. I am sick. I am devastated. I distraught. I am heartbroken. I stopped recording and quietly went to our bedroom with our baby and cried. I woke up to my baby crying and I felt like a zombie. I was so numb and my thoughts were all jumbled. The VS bags was still in the hallway. He laid next to me asleep and snoring while I mustered the courage to send the recording to his parents. His parents blew up his phone in the morning and he in turn, blew up on me. Calling me names, slamming doors, punching walls. He forgot that we have cameras in the house so everything is recorded. He said his parents are cutting him off and it’s all my fault. I embarrassed him and ruined his life. I had no right to record him. He said I’ll regret it and he will get everything I had. I told him to try me. I’ve already talked to a lawyer and in our state common law marriage is not recognized and the person who the child lives with does not pay child support. Seeing as everything is in my name, he has to move out. I gave him the rest of the month to move out. His parents and brother have been teaching out to me and has been very supportive and apologetic. My side of the family doesn’t know yet. He called many times and left voicemails, texts and even emails and letters since I changed lock on the doors and the code on the garage door. He wants to work it out and go to therapy. I honestly don’t want to talk to him or work it out. I just want him out. I spent a decade of my life giving this man everything. I’m not perfect or a saint but I’ve never and never will do something like that. I just want to move on. EDIT: I’m sorry for the confusion about my hiatus and being a sahm. I was already going to be on hiatus for work for 6mo pp but when we realized how much medical issues I had - me and my EX fiance decided and agreed it would be best for me to be sahm for the FIRST year of our baby’s life. It was a spontaneous decision. I was medically advised against any physical activity/labor for 16 weeks so it wasn’t like I could drive to different clinics and hospitals for work. So think of it as sahm for the first year + 6mo hiatus. I can return to work now since I’ve gotten a medical clearance. My agency doesn’t allow anyone on maternity leave to work unless there’s a medical clearance from a doctor. I’m a mobile registered medical diagnostic sonographer since there are people wondering how a 25 yr old can afford a condo and two cars. I get paid a higher rate than an in house RMDS because I travel and work for an agency. I accept whatever assignment I want for the day/week. Both cars are used, mine is paid off(15k and have had since I was 18) and the other car is 18k which I only need to pay $3.6k on since I did put half of the amount down with low interest. I’ve been working since I was 15 and saving $. I’m smart with my money. It’s expensive out here. One last edit before I give this thing a break: A lot of you need help. Messaging me telling me I ‘probably did something to deserve it’ or that I ‘probably cheated that’s why hes doing this’ or that it’s my fault he cheated because I didn’t give him sex. I went thru a near to death experience giving birth to our son. I posted this because I needed the release, I needed to see if anyone out there experienced something similar or something awful and what did they do. This whole thing has been so bad for me mentally and emotionally that I’ve hard dark thoughts but I’m thankful for the support system I have. I know posting has its negatives but a lot of you are just not cool. UPDATE : Hello, it’s me. My therapist advised against updating this and yes, I did tell my therapist I made a Reddit account but I told her why. She said sometimes it’s best to let this fade with time but if it’ll help me then I’m free to do so. So, I’m back working which has been a refreshing change because it helped my mind stay busy and focused on anything that wasn’t this nightmare. My bestfriend surprised me the day after I posted this because she said I’ve been giving her ‘depressed weirdo vibes’. So thankful for when she showed up because as I’ve mentioned I had dark thoughts and they were getting scary. She stayed with me for two weeks despite me telling her a week would be just as appreciated. She insisted that she be there for me and my baby. Her staying two weeks was very much needed truthfully because my ex reached out to my lawyer about coming to get all his things. My bestfriend made sure during the day he was there that he wouldn’t try anything funny. He did say that he’s offended that I don’t trust him to be around me and our son unattended. And how I was being dramatic by having someone be present. It took him the WHOLE day and the day felt like it dragged on forever because I was so anxious with him being around. Like that dreadful and sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach that even a sip of water makes you feel like you’re gonna throw up? Before he left he asked if we can talk before ‘permanently going our separate ways’. My therapist and bestfriend and lawyer were against it but I agreed which I later regret because this man is an a-hole. My bestfriend took my baby with her and stayed nearby. Me and my ex met up at a park and he tried to hug me but I told him I don’t want to be touched. He scoffed and said whatever. He said I don’t understand what it’s like to be a man who’s suppose to be a provider and a protector. That his friends would make fun of him for having a ‘female’ who is financially independent with her own place and car. How his friends said it makes him seem like a sugar baby and not a man. That how can he let a ‘female’ take care of him. I just stood there silently because to me it was just unacceptable and made no sense. He was there through every step and every stage that I took to get where I was at. I made sure my success was his success too. I made sure what I had, he got too. I loved this man. I lived by the promise we made when we graduated high school with a greenery of goals and inspirations in our minds about how we wanted our future to be like. I let him talk about his childhood and how hard his life was despite me being there since we were 14. He said it didn’t feel good to have someone come at his manhood. He complained about how hard life was. I asked him what made life hard and he just kept stuttering about his manhood being questioned by my independence. He said he was always anxious and stressed that I could leave him if I wanted to. I asked him did he think what he did helped his anxiety and stress about me leaving and he got upset. He called me a narcissist, a manipulator and a femmy. He said he’s sorry for our son for having a mom like me. That he won’t be paying child support. When I told him I don’t need his money, he told me to F off and left. As I said I’m not perfect and I’m far from a being a saint but I’ve never had any mind or intentions of doing anyone I love wrong. What he did was beyond wrong. It was diabolical. All because he was tired of being made fun of him? He couldn’t retort with pride and dignity? He couldn’t see or feel the love and support in his surroundings? I was sick. Whatever he wanted, I was there to help him make it happen. Everything he went thru, I was there even when he pushed me away because I promise to be there thru thick and thin … now here I am pouring my worst nightmare to strangers online. I watched him walk away and I suddenly didn’t recognize the boy I crushed on in middle school. The boy I’d kiss after his basketball games in high school. The man who said he’d love me forever after the birth of our child. All the things he said replayed in my head and I realized i didn’t know him the way I prided myself I did. I finally told my side of the family of our separation. Lots of question but I did ask that they respect our privacy and give us space. Only one of my cousins knows what happened and thankfully she’s in another state because I would have to bail her out by the way she described how she was to enact her revenge on him. I haven’t told my mom but she said shes gonna be spending a few weeks at my place to help me adjust in October. My bestfriend had also offered to come back around the time my mom comes. No, I will not be pressing him about child custody or visitations. I did have my lawyer reach out to him about possibly giving up his rights. My ex’s parents begged me to change my mind about that but I assured them they can still see their grandbaby. My ex was more than happy to give up his rights. It hurt for him to easily and willingly agree because I thought he would’ve fought for our son. Also I’m thinking of moving back to Cali and selling my condo and just staying at my mom’s for a year till I save enough for a down payment but knowing Cali house prices - probably wouldn’t happen. Sorry for the ranting but honestly this whole thing got me so messed up. The people on here saying it was fake - you have no idea how I wished that was true. I wouldn’t have to uncontrollably cry whenever I’m home or looking at my baby. I wouldn’t have to feel so much angst and sadness whenever I come back from therapy or from work. All these crying and asking questions why it was happening to me wouldn’t be happening almost every night. Thank you once again to everyone who sent love and support. I’m finally closing this chapter. It’s unfinished but I’m ready to start over. Sending everyone good vibes 🫶🏼

Luca Moretti
AITA for using my mother's own sexist argument against her?
Family

AITA for using my mother's own sexist argument against her?

Details: My mom and dad are super old fashioned, sexist and homophobic. They're not bad parents but are very stubborn on some of their beliefs, like for example they think all gays will go to hell. I have basically accepted at this point that they're not going to change the way they think so I've just dropped the whole thing. 3 days ago I(m14) got yelled at by my mom for wearing a pink t-shirt because "it's not something boys do". I was really annoyed by this comment but brushed it off and didn't do anything further. Yesterday I asked her if I could dye my hair. I understand that this is a big request and if she just said no I would not be as pissed, but instead she decided to say "No, men don't colour their hair. Only girls do that.". I was really annoyed that she was using a sexist and old fashioned belief to justify her word. If she had told me literally anything else I would've been fine. So last night she asked me to wash the dishes and I said "No, men don't wash dishes, only girls do that." She lost it at me. Screaming at me before ignoring me completely. It's been about 12 hours now and she still hasn't said anything to me and I feel bad because I was petty. So redditors, AITA?

Clara Jensen
AITA for telling my wife she doesn’t have post-partum depression?
Relationships

AITA for telling my wife she doesn’t have post-partum depression?

I feel awful about it, but. So, my wife gave birth to a healthy baby girl a month and a half ago. I wouldn’t exchange the world for my daughter. She’s my first daughter, but my wife has twin sons from another marriage. However, ever since she gave birth, she’s been... neglectful. I don’t mean “she won’t do the housework”, but more so, she’s not doing anything at all. I’m taking care of the baby, I’m doing the housework, etc. etc. When I asked her if she could /do/ something, she said that she had post-partum depression, and therefore can’t take care of our daughter. I told her, we can go to therapy if she wants, but she refused, because it’s not that serious. I was initially annoyed, but went like fuck it, she’s a new mum, pregnancy hurts. Yesterday she sat me down, and told me that she was going to go for a month abroad with her girlfriends, to party and “loosen up” so it would get her out of the emotional slump. Now, I’ve pretty much used up all my holidays, and can’t stay at home to take care of my daughter; so I asked her would take care of our daughter. She told me to hire someone; or have our sons do it. I flipped out, I told her she doesn’t have PPD, she’s just fucking neglectful, and eight year olds are in no way or form supposed to be taking care of a newborn, and besides, they have a school to fucking go to. I told her if she goes on this trip, it’s a divorce; I love her, but I cannot abide by this. Now she’s mad and won’t talk to me, and I’m sleeping on the couch. AITA here? EDITS/INFO: 1. I don’t know how she was with the twins, they’re my step-children. I might ask her family if they know. 2. She has done literally nothing to our baby girl. 3. Her PPD is self-diagnosed (I think I saw a comment about that?) 4. Sleeping on the couch is the least of my worries right now. But the baby was planned; we both wanted (and felt ready) for a child together. 4. I’ll talk with her tonight, and tell her that if she wants to go on a holiday with her friends (which I still hate the idea of), she has to go to a psychiatrist, and talk with him about this first. 5. Until then, I’ll keep the daughter with my mum when I’m at work. Someone mentioned possibility of hurting our baby, and I don’t think she’s like this, but it’s to put my heart at ease.

Elise Dubois
AITA for asking my wife to stop bringing her autistic friend over so much
Relationships

AITA for asking my wife to stop bringing her autistic friend over so much

2 years ago my wife got talking to a woman online in a random Facebook group. They both noticed they had the same breed of dog and got talking. Turns out we live 30 mins from her. I didn't think anything of it but after 6 months they decided to meet up. By this point my wife knew her friend was autistic and her friend said she'd have to bring her mum with her to meet up until she felt more comfortable. I didn't think anything of the fact she was autistic and thought they wouldn't meet up again. I was wrong. Since then they meet up at least once a week and at least four times a month she comes to our house. When I first met her it felt like she didn't like me as she wouldn't laugh at jokes, avoided eye contact and just seemed distant. I told my wife this after her friend had left and she basically said 'well duh she's autistic, go read up on it'. I thought things would get better as time went on but it hasn't. I feel awkward and uncomfortable the whole time she's in my house and I honestly don't see what my wife sees in her as a friend. When they go out together everything has to be preplanned days in advanced, my wife calls ahead to restraunts to ask them if it's possible to turn the music down and she takes days off work to take her friend to doctors appointments. When I hear them laughing it's usually at something that isn't even funny and just odd to laugh at. All I want is my house back. I work hard and want to come home and relax at the end of the day but she's often here until 10pm on the days that she's over and even worse she sleeps over occasionally. I've asked my wife for them to meet at her friends house instead but apparently her friend isn't comfortable with anyone but her mum in her home yet she thinks it's perfectly acceptable to make herself at home in my home. My wife said she's getting sick of my complaining and I should just go out for a bit or to my parents house on those days if it's such a big deal

Jonas Bergström
Boyfriend refused the C section
Relationships

Boyfriend refused the C section

This post is about friends’ of mine, I am stuck in between and would like outsiders opinion as I am being extremely careful with this situation. Ladies that did give birth, your opinion matters most. Let’s call them Kate (30F) and Ben (29M), are really close friends of mine. I love them both dearly, and now stuck in awkward situation. Kate and Ben are expecting their first baby in one month. Two months ago Kate announced to Ben she wants to book a C section because 1. baby is oversized 2. Kate’s mom is willing to cover the whole procedure with private care, and doesn’t want her to go through the pains of giving birth 3. she is scared due to the stories her new moms friend told her about their experience at a public hospital. Ben is very against the C section. He insists that 1. it will ruin her body 2. she will no longer be able to give birth naturally 3. the recovery time from the surgery is worse than natural birth. However, of course if the surgery is necessary on the day, there will be no argument again that. Kate insists on the surgery, saying that she will most likely end up in hours of pain, and then end up with the C section anyway. What’s the point of suffering, if a C section is an option, and it will be covered financially. Ben keeps refusing. Personally, I try to be as natural as possible. But this has been an ongoing argument and I am running out of things to say to both of them. It’s getting more heated because she has a few weeks to book the C section.

Elise Dubois
AITAH for "joining in" when my roommate and his girlfriend have sex?
Relationships

AITAH for "joining in" when my roommate and his girlfriend have sex?

I work a shift where I do not get home until about 3 AM on my work days. My roommate has a regular 9-5 job. He regularly has his girlfriend over to the apartment. Our shifts are so different that I don't really interact with them at all. I usually get home, have a shower and go to sleep. I wake up around noon and have my free time before I leave to go to work at 6 PM. I might see them on my way out the door. So they have nine hours to do whatever the hell they want without bothering me. But they choose to have sex while I am trying to sleep. I tried talking to him about it and he blew me off like it wasn't a big deal that he is screwing with my sleep schedule. So lately I have been "joining in" I will do some self care in my room while they are going at it. And I am obvious about it. I let my bed bang against the wall while I go to town. He got mad at me and his girlfriend has stopped spending the night as much. I told him that I assumed that they wanted me as an audience and participant since they waited for me to be home before they started having sex. He is currently looking to move out and I am sleeping much better. But he thinks I'm an asshole for how I ultimately handled myself. Pun intended.

Anya Petrova
AITAH for telling my husband that he absolutely ruined the birth of our child?
Relationships

AITAH for telling my husband that he absolutely ruined the birth of our child?

Hi everyone. Our daughter is now 8 weeks old, so obviously this whole argument has gone on a very very long time. We both have been holding grudges and neither of us think that we are wrong. My husband does not know I am posting this, so I am going to keep it as anonymous as possible. So when I got pregnant with my daughter, my husband started in immediately telling me that I should have a home birth. I really do not know why he was so adamant on it, but he was. At first, I brushed him off and told him I would think about it because I was only 6 weeks pregnant, and the birth seemed so far off. Of course, it came quickly, and my husband would literally speak over me at doctors' appointments when my doctor would ask if I had a birth plan. This caused a few arguments between us in those 39 weeks of pregnancy, but I never really changed my mind. Eventually my husband's mother sat down and talked to me, and she told me all of the reasons why they did not want me to go to a hospital for the birth. I expressed my concerns about you know, safety of the baby and myself but just like my husband, she brushed me off. I ended up telling my husband that I would take myself to the hospital when it was time and that I did not want a home birth. He acted as if he didn't hear me. We met with a doula who was also very pushy. I felt overwhelmed and not supported at all. I was 36 weeks at that point. So, when I went into labor, I was 39 weeks, and I begged, absolutely begged my husband to take me to the hospital where my doctor is. He wouldn't. He spoke to me condescendingly and called the doula instead. I was in labor for about 3 days, active labor for around the last 22 hours. I cried the whole time. I just felt something was wrong. I was scared and often times they left me alone. The doula told me that if active pushing and labor reached 24 hours, I had to go into the hospital. I remember thinking that I could not decide which was worse- staying in labor for another 2 hours or having my baby right there. When she was finally out, I don't even remember wanting to hold her. I just remember crying out of relief. Obviously, I am okay now, but I did not have a good experience. On my first appointment after birth with my doctor, she was very shocked I had the baby. She was concerned. I was so upset. I told my husband that he absolutely ruined it for me. I truly never want to go through that again. I hear mothers say that they forget all the pain the second they have the baby, but I didn't. I love my daughter so much, but it was horrible, and it was entirely his fault. So, I told him that, several times. He rolls his eyes every time and tells me how mothers are "strong" and how I am not trying to be strong. I told him that if we ever have another baby - which he wants - that I will never do a home birth ever again. His response is "we'll see". I cannot possibly be TA here, can I? Everyone around me is acting like this is so normal, but it's not. Is it?

Elise Dubois