Category - WIBTA

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WIBTA if I sued my sister for the house that was willed to all three of us?

I (40M) recently lost my father (76M). I have two siblings, my twin brother and older sister (44). We all grew up together in my parents's house. It is a large multi story 5 bedroom house worth almost half a million dollars. My father's will stated that his assets, cash, house, etc... were to be divided equally among the three of us. While in town for my father's funeral, I asked my siblings when a good time would be to meet up about putting the house on the market. My sister told me that there was no need, because my father had sold the house prior to his death. I was confused, because he was still living in it. My sister went on to explain that my father had been sick for years and was deep in debt, so he'd needed to sell the house. Of course, with his health as poor as it was, that would be a complicated undertaking. So my sister and her husband bought the house with the understanding that he would continue living there for free. I was flabbergasted. When my father died, he only had about 120K in liquid assets. Her story made no sense to me. I demanded details. She said that the mortgage lender would only approve them for 375k, which is far less than the house is worth. My dad apparently spent the other 250k paying off his debts, paying for treatments and "maintaining his quality of life" as my sister put it. So basically she's telling me my inheritance is 40k and no more while she gets that + a house. I called her a thief that took advantage of our father when he was vulnerable. She basically pocketed the difference in the value of the house out of my inheritance. She got really mad. She told me that she and her husband have been struggling to pay two mortgages for years while also raising four kids (not my kids, not my problem) and getting no income from the second house, but that was her CHOICE, and she got a house out of it. She started yelling at me and crying, so her husband intervened and took her away. I turned to my brother for support, but he just shrugged and said he couldn't find it within him to care about a house after we just buried Dad. I miss Dad too, and I hate fighting with my sister, but what she did was wrong. I've reached out to a lawyer and am planning to sue my sister, but I'm nervous. I know this will permanently fracture my family. I just want what's rightfully mine, but is it worth blowing up my sister's life? AITA?

2025-10-07 11:42:17

Clara Jensen

WIBTA

WIBTA if I press charges on a 12 for accusing me ?

I (25m) met my wife (24f) around 4 years ago, and the relationship was perfect in all ways; we had many common interests, we rarely argued, our communication was great, and even our families got along well. My life was honestly great; I had a great job that I loved, and we were even planning on starting a family soon. This changed when my wife's cousin C (12f) accused me of something horrible. She always seemed to stick to me whenever I was around, and I had tried to keep my distance because I knew how that could look. Her accusation quickly spread, and it flipped my world upside down; I was fired from my job, my extended family cut me off, and even my wife was skeptical about me. The only people who seemed to believe me were my immediate family, and even then my brother didn't want me around his kids. A week after her accusation, I was arrested and was kept in holding for over two weeks. C's father came to my house looking for me and basically broke everything inside. After I was released, I contacted a lawyer to fight the charges against me. A proper investigation was done, and six months after her accusing me, I was deemed innocent, but the damage was already done. Everyone in our town shunned me, my friends cut me off, and I lost my job and reputation. I am now in the process of pressing charges against C, her dad, and several other members of my wife's family that blasted me on social media for defamation, destruction of property, and more. I am even considering filing for divorce. My wife is telling me to reconsider, saying that she is just a kid and did a stupid mistake, and even my mom is telling me I shouldn't be vindictive and that I got my job back, so there is no damage done. My dad has supported me fully in this, which is creating problems between him and my mom. Frankly, I don't care if she's a kid or what will happen to their family if I press charges; she ruined my life, my reputation, my marriage, and possibly even my future. I am barely holding it together and have broken down crying many times, and all the drama and my mom siding with her is destroying me even more. I know it is the right thing to press charges, but all the people, including my mom, telling me she is just a kid is making me doubt myself.

2025-10-13 19:08:07

Luca Moretti

WIBTA

WIBTA for not allowing my dying cousin to walk down the aisle?

My(27f) cousin(23f) was diagnosed with leukaemia and is not doing well. I feel terrible for her, but I was never close to her growing up. We grew up in different countries. I’m getting married in March 2024. My aunt came over two weeks ago to discuss something. She wants me to let my cousin walk down the aisle with her dad before I walk. I don’t feel comfortable with this because, yes, it’s sad that she won’t get to experience this, but isn’t it my day to shine? My aunt says that I’m being selfish for not doing this. She spoke to my parents about this, and they don’t seem too happy. My in-laws are not pleased too. But they still want me to decide. My fiancé doesn’t feel comfortable too. My aunt brought my cousin to my place to discuss it last week. Cousin cried, saying she wanted to walk down the aisle and that I should let her. I told her it was my wedding day, so it was not right for her to take over. She then called me selfish and a bridezilla for not caring about her. Like I said, we were never close, so I don’t know why she’s trying to do this on my wedding day. I told her I needed more time to think, so She’s on IG posting cryptic stuff, obviously attacking me. I talked to my friends for non-biased opinions, and they were divided. Some want me to allow her to walk down the aisle because she would never get to experience that, and I’ll be doing something nice. WIBTA if I say no?

2025-10-06 19:28:41

Elise Dubois

WIBTA

Wibta if I cut my daughter's hair.

My 32yo daughter is 7yo. She is working on growing out her hair. Which I generally support. I'm down with her having her hair the way she wants. The thing is, she doesn't comb it (it's curly, so we comb, not brush, same with everyone else in the house). I'd be fine with this, since I don't mind doing it for her, but she doesn't want to let me comb it. To the point that if I need to do so, since she's refusing, she will fight me on it. Kicking. Screaming. Whatever. And like, I'm ok with not doing it myself, so long as she does it. Someone needs to comb the child's hair. Buuutttt she's refusing all options for it getting combed. The goal is twice daily so it doesn't knot up too badly. I've told her that if it can't get cared for, it needs cut. This is becoming a constant battle. So, wibta if I cut her hair? Edit: I'll look up curly hair care. And see what curly kids products I can get, to see if that helps. Edit: managed to get her hair washed. Did leave in, and combed and braided it after. She played Minecraft on my switch during, and had minimal complaints. Will start using this approach for hair care. Thanks for everyone who had advice.

2025-09-22 09:27:15

Jonas Bergström

WIBTA

WIBTA if I cut my boyfriend off financially after he ignored my basic requests?

Also posted in the advice subreddit. I'm 26F, he is 27M and we have been together for 8 years. I was in a bad car wreck a few months ago after getting T-Boned by a Semi. Because of this I got a check for almost $19k, as well as a brand new vehicle. I practically begged my boyfriend multiple times not to tell anyone we received the money because both of our families suck and like to mooch off of us, even though we are the ones struggling financially and we are the ONLY ones who lost our jobs to Covid. We got laid off within a week of eachother and were both denied for unemployment. So it's been rough. I received the check from the accident 3 days ago. He instantly went and paid $100 to his sister that we owed her and apparently she asked where he got money and despite me telling him not to, he told her I had gotten my check. He instantly told me about it and said that he felt "cornered". His sister has that affect on people so I tried to push it out of my mind even though I was peeved. Since that point I have gotten phone calls from all 3 of his brothers, his 2 sisters and even his uncle who I have never even met, due to him living out of state. All of them were asking for money. I hold true to my restrictions and didnt allow anyone to borrow anything because I know they will NOT pay me back and I have more important shit to do with my money (pay bills, rent, pay off my car loan and student debt and put away a big chunk so I can save for a home). The final straw was this morning. I wake up to a call from an unknown number at around 530am and it's his father. Hes like "Hey Champ, how you doing? How are you recovering?" So I gave him the run down. Well, before he hangs up he says "So Julie (my boyfriends sister) told me you got your money. Peter (his step son) turns 5 today and I didnt get my paycheck and I'm fighting with payroll about it. Can you spot me $500?" I instantly hung up and confronted my boyfriend about it. I told him my basic requests were ignored and that I felt disrespected and that I didnt want people knowing for this exact reason. He told me I was blowing it out of proportion and that I could simply tell them no. I explained that that was besides the point and that I wanted to avoid having to turn people away left and right. He still thinks I'm overreacting. So now I am at a loss where a part of me wants to cut access to my check from him entirely since he cant even follow basic requests. Hes not spending the money or anything like that, especially without asking first but the fact that he told people after I practically begged him not to sits really heavy on me. A part of me knows he is right and that I could just say no but I dont want to have to do that. WIBTA if I cut off his access to this money? EDIT: I truly did not expect this to blow up the way that it did! I went to visit my mom shortly after posting and neglected to check it again until this morning so I have over a thousand notifications. I'm slowly going through all of them and if I dont directly respond to you, I apologize! EDIT: I'm actually going to jump back off this post because now I am becoming slightly irate at people jumping to assumptions without asking for info. First and foremost (I only ready maybe 100 comments), me telling my boyfriend not to discuss my financial matters with his family is not me being controlling, at all. This is my money, not his families, and some shit is on a need to know basis. This is not something they needed to know, period. Secondly, no, him keeping this information isnt something that would have made him uncomfortable. He has no problem withholding this sort of info from my family but when it comes to his own, it's a complete double standard. This has also happened in the past with my tax return money as well, which coincidentally I happened to be conned out of nearly $8k by the same sister in question. She never paid us back. This is also the same family that saw that I needed a place to stay while getting my new home situated and knowingly pushed all their Bill's on me, resulting in me being $1200 in the hole by the time I left their house. My boyfriend doesnt mind these things. But as I said, hes all for helping his family while telling my family to basically go fuck themselves.

2025-09-26 15:33:14

Clara Jensen

WIBTA

WIBTA for not pay my neighbor to get her daughter’s hair professionally “fixed”?

My (25F) neighbor (42F) has a daughter Ann (14F) who is a pretty nice kid. She comes over to say hi pretty often and I let her stick around an hour or two some rare days if I’m doing a project she might be interested in. An important thing to note is that I have neon dyed hair that I change frequently and Ann is enamored with it while her mom has commented is “immature.” Ann has asked me a few times to dye her hair and while I expressed that I was of the opinion that teens should be allowed control of their appearance, her mom’s opinions seemed pretty staunch and it might be a better idea not to touch her hair until she’s an adult. Earlier today, I was working in my office when someone banged on my door. It was Ann and her mother. Ann’s hair was a splotchy pink, hands and face stained, and cheeks beet red with tears. Her mom shoves a box into my hands. It was a jar of hair dye and a USPS box with my name on it. I had ordered it last week as my current dye job is on the fade. To make it perfectly clear, I did not give this hairdye to Ann and her mom isn’t accusing me of such. Ann actually admitted to stealing it when the mail for our building came. Ann’s mom screamed at me and told me I encouraged Ann into this behavior and I was gonna pay every red cent to fix it. I said I had the supplies to fix it for Ann (aka get the stains off and even out the color using the remaining dye) but this wasn’t good enough and her mother wants $200 to go to her personal stylist and have it professionally fixed. I think this is beyond ridiculous for a couple reasons. The dye I use is very penetrating and there is QUITE A BIT OF IT in her hair. It isn’t going to just come out clean without significant chemical processing which will doubtlessly cause severe damage to her young hair and scalp. Plus, I hate to sound judgmental, but this woman does not have the hair of someone who has a high dollar stylist. I don’t think she’s even SEEN a stylist since the 2000s. I know this lady pretty well and wouldn’t be shocked if she isn’t demanding a WAY astronomical dollar amount even tho she plans to go buy a box bleach and ruin her daughter’s hair worse than a stylist might. I know that might happen anyway but I really don’t want to be responsible for that. I feel bad though and even my dad says I should just consider handing over the money. WIBTA if I don’t??? EDIT: quick note; I am fully aware that what was done is mail theft but I’m not making an already complicated situation 1000{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f} worse by reporting a 14 year old to the police. EDIT 2: Thank guys for all the amazing responses. I didn’t expect to get any traction so I was shocked by the amount of comments. I have good news! Ann called her dad after she went home last night. I know him but he moved out six months ago so I haven’t seen him lately. He and Ann came by and she apologized profusely for stealing. She’ll be going to stay with her dad at her grandparents house indefinitely. She’s gratefully at the age where she has a choice. Ann was still covered in stains so I offered again to clean her up and her dad was SO glad I offered as he heard I’d offered before and couldn’t imagine me offering a second time. Ann’s hair is now a fun, even, vibrant color of highlighter pink and her skin stains are gone. She’s very happy and since there was no chemical processing involved, her hair is healthy. I gave her and her dad directions to conserve her color and we have a deal that she’s welcome to come back for a touch up or a color change as long as she provides the supplies. When her mom cools off and apologizes, she’s welcome to accompany Ann to see how fun it is as long as she’s nice, but I haven’t heard a peep from her since Ann and her dad left an hour ago and I don’t expect anything lol.

2025-09-22 07:47:33

Anya Petrova

WIBTA

WIBTAH for telling my wife that she cannot touch any money I make from my part time job?

Throw away account because my wife follows my main. Long story short, I bring in $80,000 per year as our main source of income for our house due to my disabilities. It’s barely enough money to pay our bills, but that’s it. We don’t really have much extra money to do things like vacations, family outings, eating out, etc. Because of this, we also don’t have enough money to pay for things like renovations and upgrades to our home. I have been trying to get my wife to get a job for YEARS but she refuses to as she wants to be a SAHM for our 4 kids (even though I’m always home). We got into this massive argument some time ago in which I said I wanted a divorce and I wanted to be done. She said she would fix her issues and get a job. That was months ago and I haven’t seen her try to search for jobs, apply for jobs, or even interview. When I ask about it, she gets flustered and refuses to engage in the conversation, or gets upset with me for “hounding her.” I’ve had a part time job before, but she saw it as extra money to do things with and spend on stuff. Whenever we get extra money from a family member for holidays/anniversary, it gets spent almost right away on various things that we don’t *need.* I cannot even save it for things that I would personally like to get, or for needed things like renovations/needed home upgrades. Therefore, I am looking at getting a part time job in which I cannot make more than $1,300 per month due to my disability restrictions. WIBTAH if I put it in a separate bank account and told her that she cannot touch this money as I want to save this money to do things to upgrade the house, buy a new computer, save for a “new” vehicle, etc. Edit: wow, didn’t expect this to blow up. I just logged on so I apologize for not responding for a while. I’ll be reading comments and getting back to people shortly. Edit 2: I’ve seen quite a few people questioning the $80,000 disability, or why I cannot make a more than a certain amount of money, so please allow me to explain. I am a military veteran with PTSD. I do not qualify for full 100{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f}, but since I cannot hold gainful employment, I have been granted IU (individual unemployability) meaning I cannot work and am being paid as such. In addition, I receive SSDI and also my kids receive a portion of my SSDI to help cover their expenses. All together, that equals a little over $80,000 a year. Edit 3: Even though this is Reddit and anonymous, I do not feel comfortable sharing any specifics about my location, ages of my kids, etc. But I will say that I do live in the US, I live in a state with high inflation and a part of the state with a higher cost of living than the other portion (not my choice), and all 4 of my kids are under the age of 7, with two going into school this coming school year. Edit 4: hopefully my last edit... I’ve had over 12+ jobs since getting out of the military 8 years ago. None have lasted more than 6 months. My inability to hold a job doesn’t mean I am unable to acquire a job. It just means that I cannot hold onto it because of my disability. However, because of my inability to hold a job, it has been making it increasingly difficult for me to even acquire a job. I’m not some hypocrite trying to tell my wife she needs to work, but not continuously trying to do so myself.

2025-09-27 18:44:51

Elise Dubois

WIBTA

WIBTA for putting my stepson up for adoption after his mother passed?

I'm 28M, my late wife passed two years ago. She had a son (5M now) from a prior relationship but my wife and I had a daughter as well (nearly 2F now). She passed during childbirth. My stepson is low functioning ASD and has other health disorders related to the heart and lungs. My wife was a SAHM ever since I met her. I thought I was equipped to manage both children but I learned very quickly how hard my wife had it before I came into the picture. Precisely zero daycares near me will accept my stepson because of his conditions. He has a ventral septal defect which he has episodes over frequently: his skin will turn blue, he becomes disoriented, and if he's not restrained in a way to make him kneel down, it's a trip to the hospital. He's unable to do this on his own and physically resists. Just this year alone I've had eight hospital visits for this. This is the big one but other challenges exist, too. I had to quit my dream job to care for him because he's been turned away from every daycare. I had to go on government assistance which was difficult because I was making decent money beforehand. Difficult not only in lifestyle change but also in just getting approved. After two years of this, my life is going nowhere. I can't get a girlfriend, I can't get a job, I have pretty much no support here. My wife had no family, I have family who has shunned me for dating a single mother to begin with. The only one who gives me some reprieve is my mother who will babysit one day a week for me. I feel like my daughter suffers because we can't do anything: she's at the age when we'd be going to parks yet she can't even speak yet. My focus is almost entirely on my stepson. I want to give him up for adoption because I don't know if I'm equipped to do this anymore. More importantly, I want a life myself, too. I don't want to frame him as a problem because he's innocent in this, but if he was with another family, I might be accepted into my family again. I might be able to form new relationships. I'll be able to work, spend more time with my daughter, let her flourish. But I'd be failing my stepson, my late wife's son. A little part of me thinks my wife would look down on me if I did this, yet I don't know what else to do. He belongs in the care of medical professionals, not me. WIBTA?

2025-09-15 13:48:38

Elise Dubois

WIBTA

My ex-Wife (F38) and I (M38) divorced because I was infertile and unwilling to use a sperm donor. How should I tell her that my GF (F24) is pregnant?

My ex-wife is a complete girly-girl who loves children and always wanted a big family. She is a primary-school teacher and was a doula for her sister's births. We started trying when we were both 28 and had been married for 5 years. After 18 months without success we both got fertility testing. I was found to be infertile. I went through several diagnostic procedures and treatments that, frankly, I would like to forget. I was told the odds of me conceiving naturally were close to zero. We considered IVF, but the specialist said it was not viable. The whole episode took about 5 years from beginning to resignation. I was upset, but my ex-wife was devastated. She was briefly hospitalized for an acute depressive episode in 2015. It did not help that her younger sister had 5 children by that time. My ex-wife wanted to use a sperm donor. I understand that biology isn't everything, but despite counseling and my best efforts at rationalization, I could never moderate the feeling of revulsion at the idea of choosing to raise another man’s child. I knew I could never see the child as mine… maybe a stepchild... at best. My SIL called that toxic masculinity. ;( So... unstoppable force meets an immovable object. Deal-breaker. We divorced in 2017. It was a strange divorce, we both loved and supported each other throughout. We were still living together until about six months after the finalization, when my ex-SIL started finding men for my ex-wife to date. I then made myself scarce. We briefly reunited numerous times during the next year and are in each other’s wider social circle to this day. As I understand it, she has had no long-term relationships since our divorce, and surprisingly, no children. In mid-2018 I met my current GF. I revealed my infertility early in the relationship. She said she always thought she would have children, but she was young enough that by the time she was ready, maybe they could fix me. I pointed-out that this was setting-up both of us for future heartache, but I had fallen for her, so I wasn't going to argue. In April this year she missed her period. When the test came back positive, her first reaction was to go into full panic mode and swear she had never cheated on me. I never doubted her but realized that’s what every cheated-on partner says. But hey, you can now get a prenatal paternity blood test as early as 7 Weeks. Who knew?! The baby is mine, we are both delighted. I went to a fertility doc to see if anything had changed. It hadn’t. How did this happen then? His answer: "you won the lottery". Part of my problem was that the few sperm I did produce were deformed, so we have undertaken every available prenatal screening. This is also why we have only told 4 other people. But now we have the all clear. I share numerous friends and acquaintances with my ex-wife. We cannot conceal this from her. I know her, and although it has been two years since we were close, I know this will devastate her. My GF knows all the history and is totally supportive. She thinks that telling my ex-wife before she finds out is the right thing to do. How should I go about it? Should I contact my ex-wife’s sister or mother so they can be there? Maybe write a letter they can deliver? Tell her to her face? Ick. I do not want to cause my ex-wife any more pain than is inevitable.

2025-09-20 14:57:55

Luca Moretti

WIBTA

WIBTA to ban my sons girlfriend from my house

My(52f) son(22m) has started bringing his girlfriend over a little over a month ago. The first time he brought her over I took it quite formally and cooked up a feast but it soon became obvious it’s becoming a daily thing and not just a one time formal thing. The first meeting she came quite a bit late and the food was cold by the time she came. No pardons or anything and when we were done everyone helped to pack up. And we thought she would kind of get the notion but since it was her first time here we didn’t say anything. As for deserts I like to do this thing example for cupcake I will prepare the icing and everyone would gather and decorate their desert but she made it quite clear from the get go she wasn’t interested in it and stuff. So for basically the last month she’s almost here daily and she would request for specific dishes with no thanks and stuff. My other son(17m) has also verbally called him out on her not contributing anything gently but she said something around the lines of “no ring, no wife duties”. I don’t see this as a wife duty? I would do this for my friends hangout and everyone in my house put a hand in. My daughters, my husband and my sons. So today when my son told me that she requested a specific meat pie for dinner I am quite done, however I don’t want to affect my relationship with my son over this. Especially since he really likes her a lot but I’m really considering banning her from our dinners. Edit: the reason I have such a big problem with this is because my other children has brought their mates back. My eldest son and his girlfriend is living in my house actually but none of them have a problem like this. It was almost natural of them to contribute. Also I don’t have a problem with not wanting to decorate but it’s the idea of her not joining in on family. Like movie night and everything she would just stay in the room alone, even my son was in the living room. Edit: yes it was verbally communicated to her that she’s expected to help out after maybe a few weeks but she replied with the “no ring, no wife duties” ideology. And no, my son isn’t able to get his own place. It’s expensive and you need to be married to get a house. He can’t just move out Edit: as for the people asking about the housing issue search up Singapore…

2025-10-05 10:23:26

Luca Moretti

WIBTA

WIBTA for reporting my neighbours?

A few years ago my partner (27M) and I (27F) bought our first home. I had some savings & a sum of money that had come through from a medical negligence case, & my partner had some inheritance money. We met our neighbours(68M, 65F) the day we started moving furniture in. The woman demanded to know our landlords name so she could "keep in contact with him" & seemed genuinely offended when we told her we owned the house. She made a shitty comment about how she had to work all her life to buy her house, & we were "too young" to deserve a home. I'm waiting on an organ transplant, so work from home in the meantime. One morning I came home from a quick walk around the block with my dog & noticed their son's car parked across my driveway and blocking mine in. I knocked on the door and politely explained that I need to be able to leave at all times in case of a medical emergency, especially if I'm called in for a transplant. The woman snapped at me that she doesn't like people parking next to her because it makes her drive "look messy". Her son did move the car, but called me selfish & a snowflake as he did so. Once she hammered on my door and told me to "shut (my) dog up because he's been barking all day" even though he was at the vet and had been for a few days. About a month after that, I noticed my dog eating something in my garden. I went over to investigate, & saw he had a chocolate bar in his mouth & had eaten most of it. I found a few more empty wrappers scattered along the fence between my yard & the neighbours', immediately called the vet. I'm pretty sure it was my neighbour, but I don't have solid proof so I can't say anything. More than once I've caught her trying to steal our post from the postman. I just don't get *why*. A lot of it is just stuff I need for work (printer paper, sticky notes, etc) with no real monetary value, or medical stuff and non-prescription supplements that are pretty specific to my illness and no use to anyone else. There's literally nothing to be gained from taking it. Her husband is racist and homophobic, and uses the P-word, N-word,& F-word all the time. He also really hates children. Last Halloween he threw a bucket of water over a group of trick-or-treaters. when the parents came over to complain they pretended they weren't home. We've been thinking about extending our kitchen just a little to make it a bit more accessible for me. Somehow in the process, we found our the neighbours' own extention was done illegally. They'd been denied planning permission, but they built it anyway. During the process, they'd also caused some aesthetic damage to our property. A really petty part of me wants to report them, because they've been needlessly nasty for *years*. They would be forced to have it taken down AND pay for the repairs to our house. Tl;Dr WIBTA for reporting my asshole neighbours after enduring years of their shitty behaviour?

2025-11-08 20:17:39

Luca Moretti

WIBTA

WIBTA if I chose to stay home with my husband rather than go to my daughter's wedding?

My daughter (28f) is marrying a woman (28f) and my husband and I have been trying to be as involved as we can be without violating our conscience or who we are and what we believe. Ever since our daughter opened up to us about her relationship, we've been staying open-minded, praying, communicating with her about it, asking questions, researching, welcoming the girlfriend into our home and getting to know her, attending online therapy with a LGBT counselor that our daughter paid for, and just overall trying to be a loving presence in our daughter's life. It's a process and my husband and I have come a long way from where we were, but sometimes we still come across these, what our therapist calls, "blocks of resistance" that hold us back from supporting our daughter in the way that she may want us to, in that moment. And what I really appreciate about this counselor is that she takes our situation into account as well and is willing to speak up for my husband and I. A few years ago, when our daughter wanted us to attend a gay parade with her, we were hesitant and our counselor stood by us by telling our daughter that it was "too soon". But other than the gay parade, things have been pretty smooth up until now. My husband has drawn a hard line about attending the wedding. I was sort of on the fence about attending, but I decided to stick with my husband. Our daughter is pissed. At our last therapy session together, a week ago, our daughter said that if we didnt come to the wedding, all the work and progress that we had made would mean nothing to her, and that she would not want us to be a part of her life. Again the counselor spoke up for us and told our daughter that everyone had their hard boundaries (boundaries that they would absolutely not cross) and that instead of making ultimatums, it would be better to consider the overall picture rather than letting one moment be the deciding factor of the relationship. [I'm paraphrasing, she said it much better, but I think I got the main point]. The counselor talked to me privately afterward and told me how her parents hadn't came to her wedding, and they eventually made up thirty years down the line, but that was thirty years of memories that they both had missed out on. Yet, when she talked to her parents about it recently, they said that even as much as it had hurt them not to go, they would have made the same choice because it was just something that they strongly disapproved of. She ended by telling me that she wasn't going to tell me to go or not to go, but to really consider all the pros and cons.

2025-11-21 15:16:09

Clara Jensen

WIBTA

WIBTA for naming my son Brian?

My father, who I was extremely close with, passed away nearly 10 years ago. He single-handedly raised me and was literally my best friend until the day he passed. Even though 10 years have passed, I still miss him every day. After a few months of dating my boyfriend (who we will call Kyle) we had our first discussion about kids and I told him that a dealbreaker for me was to name my son after my father. I didn't want the middle name, I wanted it to be his first name. Kyle said that was a beautiful sentiment and that he fully supported it. I told him if we ever had kids, he has free rein to name the girl whatever he wanted. Well, I'm now pregnant with my second child with Kyle. Our first one was a girl, and much to our first discussion, I let him name her whatever he wanted. In his family none of them have middle names, so we decided to stick with that with our girl. However, we just found out I was expecting a boy. He was super excited, until I started ordering stuff with the baby's name on it. He asked me why I was ordering stuff with the name Brian, and I said it was obviously because that is what we were naming him. We had that conversation over 100 times at this point, so it's not like he just randomly forgot. He said that he thought I was kidding and that we shouldn't name our son Brian. I said he got to name our daughter and I never once complained about the name, so I don't know what he's going on about now. He said he's always wanted a Kyle Jr or Kyle the second or something like that, and I said that's great but you promised that we could name our son after my father. Well, he called his family and they are all calling me complaining about the name. They don't care about my dead father's name and they want something that will match my daughter (more modern) or a Jr. They said Brian is a really bad name for kids today and he will be bullied. I disagree, and even if he was, he is still named after the most special person I've ever met. I have no family left on my side. The last person was my father. No grandparents, no parents, no siblings, cousins, etc. All I have to carry on my family is his name. I'm willing to budge on the spelling if I HAVE to, but they just want the name completely gone. A middle name is not even a discussion anymore because they don't want to break tradition on their side. I understand it's not a popular name. However I feel like this is something that is so precious to me that I will not budge. AITA? Edit: Just to clear up some things up! My boyfriend's name is not Kyle, it's just the name I gave him for the sake of this post. However, his name does start with K. So I promise, we're not going to name our kid Kyle Jr. lol. Also, I know Brian isn't an outdated name. But to THEM it's outdated. They consider it to be "an ugly late 90's/early 2000's" name and said that by the time he his in high school he will be getting hell for it

2025-10-09 11:36:28

Jonas Bergström

WIBTA

WIBTA for asking my ex's daughter to stop calling me "dad"?

I was with my ex for seven years. At the time she had a 2-year old, and when we split, her daughter was 9 years old. She called me dad pretty quickly, plus we all lived together. I thought we'd become a family proper through marriage eventually but obviously things didn't pan out and we split. It was amicable and we're still friends. Her daughter is 14 now and still calls me dad. My ex hasn't started dating again but I'm engaged to my soon-to-be-wife. We all get along but my fiancee doesn't like that kiddo calls me dad. I'm not her dad, biologically or otherwise, but I was a father figure for seven years (and even beyond this, I still kept involved in her life). My fiancee wants me to put the kibosh on this because it makes her uncomfortable. We want to start a family of our own soon and my fiancee wants my undivided attention on our child. I can see her point and where she's coming from although I'm indifferent to the whole dad situation: if she calls me dad, whatever, and if she doesn't, then also whatever. I'm not her dad but it's ultimately not up to me or my ex or my fiancee what she calls me, it's up to her. But I must relent to my fiancee's wishes because my family should be prioritized, right? I'm going to have a sitdown with my ex and her daughter and split ties to focus on my own family. But would I be the arsehole? I'd still maintain contact because I'm very much still connected to my ex and her daughter, I just want the "dad" to stop to avoid friction with my eventual wife.

2025-10-30 09:45:45

Anya Petrova

WIBTA

WIBTA if I change my wifi password, making it impossible for a kid to not be able to attend her classes?

I live in an area where I am not wealthy, but I have a Wi-Fi connection. My Wi-Fi plan has a four-device limit, which is the cheapest option available. My neighbors have a 12-year-old daughter, Shanaya, who needs to attend online classes. She often visits my daughter, as they are friends. Shanaya’s parents told her they could not afford Wi-Fi, so she asked if she could use mine. I agreed, setting one condition: she had to study very hard and do her best. She agreed, and she has been using it for some time. Over the past two months, I have found it difficult to use my Wi-Fi. The web portal shows four devices constantly connected, even when only my phone and my daughter's laptop are in use. Sometimes, my daughter cannot connect to her classes and has to use mobile data. I asked Shanaya about this last week, and she said her parents made her tell them the password and that they have been using it. I spoke to her parents, explaining it was strictly for her classes. They promised to stop, but over the past week, my daughter's classes were interrupted four times because multiple devices were trying to use the connection. Yesterday, Shanaya told me that our other neighbors are also using the Wi-Fi because her parents gave them the password. I warned her parents again, stating I would change the password, but they made false promises and closed the door. I changed the password and gave Shanaya the new one, but her parents forced it from her again. My daughter's education must take priority; her classes are important. I cannot let her education suffer, but if I change the password again and do not give Shanaya the new one, her education will be affected. Would I be the asshole if I change the password and do not tell Shanaya?

2025-10-30 09:48:34

Luca Moretti

WIBTA

WIBTAH if I cancel my family's Christmas vacation over hotel accommodations?

I (F40s) have been married to Jake (M40s- fake name) for over 10 years. We have 3 kids under the age of 8. We are supposed to visit my mother in law (MIL) for Christmas. We've been talking about this trip since last spring and I've said a couple of times that I want 2 separate hotel rooms due to Jake's snoring. We haven't slept in the same bed for over 5 years. For a while, as long as he didn't drink or smoke and wasn't sick, Jake wouldn't snore but he generally wasn't willing to stick to that for more than a day or two at a time. He's slowly gained more and more weight, so now he snores no matter what, but drinking/smoking makes it go from loud to deafening. Well... Jake didn't book 2 hotel rooms. Instead, Jake booked a suite with 2 bed rooms, but there are no doors (its a nice but quirky hotel we've stayed at before.) Jake has a habit of forgetting/delaying things like this and then, at the last moment, he basically twists himself into knots trying to make everyone happy. In reality making no one happy but everyone feels bad for him because he tried to hard so we all just go along with him. Jake's current solutions are he and 1-3 of the kids would stay with his mother and I could stay in the suite, or they would go without me. Neither of these are acceptable to me. I want to be with my family for Christmas, and I don't see the point in going on vacation but not being together. Jake is pissed at me because he and his mother have talked about booking the suite instead of the 2 rooms while I was in the room, but I wasn't paying attention because I wasn't really involved in the conversation. There are also a couple of other issues which are making me less than enthusiastic about this whole trip. We'd either have to take a connecting flight or spend about $2000 per ticket (our kids are new travelers and so the airport will either be fine or a total disaster), and my MIL has been causing some issues in our marriage (basically Jake and MIL will talk about and plan out things involving our kids or our home, and then not tell me about them until the last minute so I either need to agree or I'm controlling and overly sensitive.) I wonder if I WBTAH for canceling everything because we've already talked to the kids about the trip and they're excited, Jake is excited to show the kids the place he spent so much time and loved, and we haven't gone to visit MIL since I first was pregnant.

2025-09-25 08:32:33

Luca Moretti

WIBTA

WIBTA for not doing my “job” because my husband refuses to give me access to “his” paycheck and “our” savings account?

UPDATE AT END (Original) I am and always have been a stay at home mom to our 4 kids. Married for 6 years to current husband. He works full time and makes a good salary so we are still comfortable. I have not worked as childcare where we are is so expensive it would cost more than I would make to send them to daycare. So despite not receiving a paycheck I believe I provide necessary services for our family my husband would otherwise be paying even more for to someone else. I also cook, clean, and do everything in the house. I have never had access to the checking account his salary is deposited in. I also do not have access to “the” savings although this situation made me very uncomfortable as an adult, I truly tried to trust him and honestly had never asked for this situation to change. I found out he had used almost all of our savings on a lawsuit I was aware of but was not allowed input into. I asked him to stop using our family savings. He simply said he said no and because I had no access to the accounts there was literally nothing I could do to stop him. I felt incredibly betrayed and was very angry. Later, he wanted to refi our family home because the rates were so good. I told him I did not feel comfortable with that because of the lack of financial equity and transparency. I asked for 2 things to change to feel more comfortable and then I would absolutely sign off in the refi. His paycheck needed to be deposited in our joint bank account and the savings needed to be in both our names. I held firm to my conditions. He finally realized he needed me to continue and said he agreed to my terms. But yesterday I discovered he lied and never intended to comply with my requests. The money was “his” and I was not going to be allowed access to any of it. He had intentionally tricked me. I again tried to be reasonable and showed him what he would have to pay for the services I provide for our family to show that I do indeed provide part of our income. He said no. He would give me what he felt I needed just as he had always done. I honestly do have ample money to buy necessities for the kids and rarely need or want anything bigger so it has never been an issue. But it feels so demeaning to basically have to ask for access to “our” money if and when I need it. I have never had financial issues so he cannot distrust me. He refuses to do anything differently and told me the reason is that he probably intends to divorce me soon. I am beyond devastated. I put myself in a financially vulnerable position for this family and he used me and will now discard me while he keeps his regular job and seniority that I gave up for the good of our family. WIBTA if I told him if I am not getting paid then I am not doing my “job” and didn’t provide any childcare anymore? He is working from home and while hard to manage and juggle both, he could technically do what everyone else has been doing in lockdown without childcare. He says I am absolutely an asshole. I am so hurt by the inequity and the lies. So what should I do? EDIT TO UPDATE: Thank you all so much for the time you took to reach out and share knowledge or ideas or just hugs. I cannot tell you what it has meant to me to hear my feelings about his behaviors being flat out wrong. I have been told so often about so many things that I am wrong and crazy or that I’m manipulating the facts or gaslighting him or being controlling of him. And it is one of the worst feeling to “feel” like you understand right from wrong and then have to struggle to wrap your head around what you are being told but it doesn’t make sense. So I am happy in an odd way that so many people see my world the way I do. That is invaluable. A lot lot has happened in 25 hours since my original post. I got up to find that my husband had left the house. He didn’t leave a note or even text. I texted to ask if he would be returning. He said no - that he was leaving and we could discuss the kid’s schedule. I said okay. Then I started packing. I texted him to say that I would be taking the kids for a vacation to my parent’s house - about a 15 hour drive away. My grandparents are very sick - failing hearts - and I didn’t think I would get the chance to say goodbye with the virus but this was my chance. I made sure to spell out in writing that I was not abandoning the house or taking the children away and fleeing or something ( a big no no in court). I waited for a written confirmation that he was okay with it. He just asked for when I would be leaving and returning. So off we went! And we’ve had a really relaxing day in the car - almost there!! I’m typing because my parents drive towards me to meet us and my dad is now driving my car :) But to quickly answer some frequent questions - I have seen a lawyer and do know most of what I would be entitled to because of my previous marriage and divorce. I would get child support. I would get spousal support for a short period of time because it is considered a short term marriage. The lawyer I saw (by borrowing money from my parents for the consultation) was a partner at a prestigious firm. She said if money wasn’t an issue we could do x, y and z. But honestly that would only encourage him to up the anti more. She said her experience with these types of people are to be tough but fair and just get away from them. But he will almost surely get 50{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f} custody because that is where the court is leaning now. What seems fair is almost never what is legal in the end. I will not be able to move away to where any family lives unless he agrees - which I’m he won’t. Well I can move anywhere I want but I can’t bring the kids with me. So this will be a real struggle to find affordable housing and a job but hopefully I can figure it out. I started staying at home when my oldest was born to me and my ex husband. We both had sahm’s and it was what we both wanted. Then when we divorced I ran the numbers and it was cheaper for him to pay me full child support and spousal support which I could live on and the kids didn’t have to go through yet another change in their lives. Minimizing their pain was my number 1 priority. We lived in a small townhouse on our own for 7ish years until new husband. I absolutely did not choose to be a stay at home mom because I didn’t want to work. I loved my old job. But I thought I was doing what was right for the kids and most financially responsible for my family. Anyway - I think maybe I’m feeling defensive but I wanted to illustrate I was not simply trying to avoid a job.

2025-09-22 07:53:53

Elise Dubois

WIBTA

WIBTA if I kept my daughter’s inheritance from my late husband?

I have three kids (M24, F18, and F14). My late husband died very unexpectedly four years ago due to COVID. He didn’t have a will, but we had a life insurance policy that provided a $360k death benefit. As his spouse, I received the full amount. I decided to divide the money four ways: I would get $120k, and each of my three kids would get $80k. At the time, my daughters were both minors, so I told them they could access their full amount when they turned 18. However, if they ever wanted to do something pricey, I would allow them to use some of their share. Most of their needs were taken care of by me. My son was over 18, so I gave him his share right away. This arrangement was a verbal agreement, and I intended to follow through with it fully. Recently, however, my middle daughter We will call her Maya, was arrested in December for child endangerment because she severely neglected her little sister, leading to something awful happening under her care. She had to use some of her $80k to pay for lawyer and court fees, which left her with about $65k. Fast forward to today, and my youngest daughter is still struggling significantly. During her check-ups, she scores very low on mental health evaluations and is on a high dosage of antidepressants. She often jokes that if she were to tell us or the doctors how she truly feels, she would be put in a psych ward. Maya no longer lives with us as I felt her presence was doing more harm than good to her sister. She’s staying with my parents for now but has been begging me to give her the money I promised after she graduated. I’ve been hesitant to do so. My sister, who is familiar with the situation, believes Maya doesn’t deserve the money and that I should use it to stay home longer with my youngest, who will be alone during the day once I return to work soon. With my youngest's declining mental health and school being out, I’m very worried about her. Maya is about to go off to college, and I know most of the money would go toward that. However, I’m still very angry with Maya for the pain she caused her sister. I’m having a hard time making this decision. So, WIBTA if I kept her inheritance? ( I’m interested to hear everyone’s perspective just be kind) EDIT: I didn’t expect so many comments but I reading through all them..to the ones that are asking what would husband say if he was here.. I honestly don’t know that’s why I’m conflicted a part of me want to think he would honestly say for me to give maya the money so she go to college, because college was important to him. But also another part of me knows if he herd the details about what happened to Lia he would be way brutal then I am and disown her permanently so it’s hard to make a call on what would he want when I don’t know. TINY UPDATE: I saw a couple comments that told me I should ask Lia, I didn’t flat out ask her like it was her call, to avoid putting unnecessary pressure on her about what I should do, but she told me “mom I think you should give it to her because I don’t want her to be mad at me..she already blames me for getting kicked out”…. She still loves and cares about maya. She doesn’t blame her for what happened to her YET. The reason why I say YET is because I haven’t sat down with her and help her fully understand, what maya did to her was wrong and I’m honestly dreading it. She doesn’t know what maya has said about her nor doesn’t know the true details why she was arrested. In her head she thinks maya was arrested because she threw a party.

2025-09-27 09:35:00

Anya Petrova