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Category - WIBTA

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WIBTA if I didn't cut my vacation short even though my husband cut his vacation short?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I didn't cut my vacation short even though my husband cut his vacation short?

My husband went on a 4-day trip to hike the Appalachian Trail with his son, brother, and nephews. I couldn't go because I have to work so I decided to stay with a friend/coworker of mine and have a Harry Potter movie marathon.\n\nFor some context, my husband and I (both 45) got married a year ago and have since been living with his parents. Where we live, it's a high of about 90 degrees this time of year. My job requires I be outside in the heat all day and I work long hours. His folks keep the thermostat at 77 degrees. I thought I'd get used to the house temp but I'm tired of always being hot. Last week his mom agreed to lower the temp to 76 degrees but I crave the cool after being in the relentless heat all day.\n\nThe last couple days staying with my friend has been heaven. She has her thermostat set at a cool 70 degrees. My husband called yesterday and told me he couldn't finish the hike and was stopping at the halfway point and coming home a day early. He expects me to come home early too but I just want one more cool night's sleep and to finish the Harry Potter series with my friend, but my husband made it clear he would be very angry with me if i don't go home tomorrow.

Clara Jensen
My Stepmom Demanded I Stop Being Nice and Start Being Real—Should I Tell Her The Truth?
WIBTA

My Stepmom Demanded I Stop Being Nice and Start Being Real—Should I Tell Her The Truth?

I am in my second to last year of high school and last year I found out that my dad was cheating on my mom with an employee of his. I told my mom because I knew my dad would never own up himself, and they got divorced. During the divorce, my mom was having a hard time coping and turned to drugs, and she got found out, now my dad has custody and I only have visits with her. It's all been really hard on me, and on my mom, and I resent my dad and how everything seemed to work out for him. He's married his employee and she's pregnant and living with us. Anyway, I've been polite to her because I don't want to screw myself over and make my dad too angry to pay for college. But it's the kind of "nice" I put on at my customer service job, a smile and pleasantness, but not actually getting to know her personally. It's hard for me to even do that, it's like a lot of emotional labor that I don't want to be doing in addition to school and work. Like for example, the kinds of stuff I'll say... If she asks me about school, I'll be like "It was nice, we had a nice lecture on genes in class" or she asks me about my teachers and I'll be like "they're nice, they all seem very smart" or she'll ask me about a movie I saw and I'd be like "It was good and funny" Just like trying to be positive and polite. But last week, she lost it at me and was like "Why is everything NICE with you? How's school? NICE. How's work? NICE. Your father says you hate your science teacher, but all you ever say to me is that everything's NICE like a broken record" and I was like "sorry. I really do mean it, school has been good" Anyway, later my dad talked to me and said not to play dumb, he knows I don't really think all my teachers are nice, don't like the actor in the movie I saw, don't really mean all the stuff I'm saying. And he and his wife can tell, and it's hurting because they both want me to be genuine. I said "ok I'll try" but TBH it is tiring enough for me to just be polite let alone genuine. Plus I feel like I'm genuine, and talk about what's actually on my mind, such as my mom, and being worried about her, it will go over even worse WIBTA to not tell my stepmother more?

Jonas Bergström
UPDATE: WIBTA if I didn't report my coworker to HR?
WIBTA

UPDATE: WIBTA if I didn't report my coworker to HR?

So I reported my colleague to HR. After my husband kept telling me if it was the other way around, I would report it, I did it. I told HR that I don't want any investigation or to hurt her in any way, I just want to be on the record that it happened. HR assured me no further action would be taken unless I want it, and it will be kept anonymous. I felt so bad for doing it, I thought I made a big mistake by reporting a misunderstanding. My colleague missed work the next couple of days and when she came back she was visibly changed. Very annoyed. Since we still sit one next to another in the office, I behave normally and we don't speak about that day. Today she scoffed when a colleague from a different department passed by. I looked at her with the corner of my eye, but she saw it, and she leaned over to me and probably felt like it was a good time to dish some tea. She told me she has been called to HR and given a lecture about work harassment and has a couple of in-person courses on this. I honestly froze at that moment. Sandy then proceeds to tell me that coworker who just passed must have reported her because they were flirting and she made some jokes that might not have landed well with that colleague. I was there looking at her like an idiot not knowing what to say while she went on a rant about how this place is so against LGBTQ people and you can't make a joke or flirt without someone taking offence. She told me she is just trying to find people to have fun with and encourage them to explore their options. She even gave me as an example "I tried to help you as well but for sure you weren't ready for it". I did not say a word and just looked at her for a second before coming back to my work. I felt like an idiot. I really thought she made a mistake by kissing me, and defended her so much to my husband, saying that it was a simple misunderstanding and she felt so embarrassed. now I know I was one of the people she tries to "help explore". I don't know what to do with this information. I still believe misunderstandings can happen, but I don't feel that bad for reporting her anymore. My husband was right. You guys were right.

Clara Jensen
WIBTA If I refuse to share an office with a girl who has OCD which may end up getting her fired
WIBTA

WIBTA If I refuse to share an office with a girl who has OCD which may end up getting her fired

Anyhow, I work in IT for a large company, so think a basic office setting, we have multiple offices for IT personel and these are set up with desks for 3 people, we get put in these offices by the boss however we are allowed to switch it around if we want to, that is what happened at the start of this year. I have had my own office for a year prior as we have several offices for a few people as such only one office has 3 people, another 2 and the other 3 one. However a month ago "Janine" requested to switch offices and had asked to be put in mine, no clue why, we talk but we are not close, regardless I wasn't happy but it was not my place to disagree. So she "moved in" and the trouble started rapidly, she told me she suffers from OCD so needs everything a certain way, I figured this was fine as I am very organized, however the next day she had reorganized everything in the office, including things in and on my desk, I chewed her out over it as I don't want someone to go through my stuff regardless what the reason is, the next few weeks she was making an issue out of everything from the way my coffee cup was standing to how my screen was tilted, regardless I suffered through it but admitedly getting more and more annoyed. Up until last week that is, she again reorganized stuff and went through my desk drawers, moved the stuff on my desk etc. As such I told her I was going to ask to switch offices as I was not comfortable being around someone who does not respect privacy and doesn't listen when I ask her not to do something. At first she got mad, but she quickly started pleading with me not to do it as it'd involve going through my boss and she apparantly got a load of complaints and is on her last chance, as such any further issues may cost her, her job. So I refrained from it last week, but as it stands, last year I liked going to work, enjoyed work etc. But these last months I have been annoyed, reluctant to go to work etc, so I sort of want to switch offices, I'd honestly rather get my own office back. So Wibta?

Clara Jensen
WIBTA if I don’t go to my childhood friend’s wedding after she asked me to wear a chest binder under my bridesmaid dress?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I don’t go to my childhood friend’s wedding after she asked me to wear a chest binder under my bridesmaid dress?

A friend (31F, Cici) reached out and asked if I (31F) would be a bridesmaid at her wedding. I was honored. We had lost touch over time but she had been a close friend of mine through school. She sent me a link to a few of the bridesmaid dresses. She was asking the (four) bridesmaids to wear the same color but left the design up to us. I picked one similar to the ones she sent. Two months ago she had an engagement party and asked the bridesmaids to bring their dresses for a try on. She immediately didn’t like my dress. I felt terrible because I thought it was just a slightly different design from the ones she suggested. I told her that I would return it and get another one. She agreed to link me one. A few weeks ago she had another get together prior to the wedding and asked if I could bring the dress so she could see it. When I tried the dress on she again seemed unhappy. I didn’t know what to do - she had picked it out. I asked her if she wanted to see it with some shoes or jewelry or even a simple shawl. She said she didn’t know and that the issue wasn’t the dress but “How I wore it.” A few hours later Cici had had a few drinks and pulled me aside. She was really vulnerable and said she felt insecure and didn’t like how she looked in her wedding gown. She said that I looked good in both dresses but she was struggling because when we were in school, she had always been the “pretty friend.” But she also said she knew it was a mean way to feel, but she couldn’t help it. To be clear, I’m perfectly average at best. I told her she was beautiful and that she could pick out any dress for me, even a turtle neck if she wanted, and I would happily wear it. She appreciated that and said she would send something. We hugged and I left feeling pretty good about it all. The next day, she sent me a link to a chest binder. I knew what they were but had never worn one. She asked if I would wear it and that it would make her feel less insecure. I have worn my fair share of shapewear, so figured it would be fine. I WAS WRONG! After squeezing my DDs into it, I was in tears. My boobs hurt! I’m 3 months pregnant and my boobs hurt all the time anyway, but this was unbearable! I sent her a message telling her I couldn’t wear the binder but was willing to get any last dress for the wedding. No response. A few days passed and I texted her telling her that she needed to either approve one of the other dresses (sans binder) or I just won’t attend the wedding. That was two weeks ago and she still hasn’t responded to me. My husband is encouraging me to just not go at all. I think he is right, but I am a bridesmaid! I feel like I could be ruining her whole wedding if I just don’t show up. But, if I show in a dress she doesn’t like – that could also ruin the day for her. Her wedding is next Saturday. Would I be the AH if I go in the second dress? Or more of an AH to skip it all together?

Elise Dubois
WIBTAH if I told my boyfriend I won’t cover his portion of the bills while he recoverers from surgery?
WIBTA

WIBTAH if I told my boyfriend I won’t cover his portion of the bills while he recoverers from surgery?

I (41f) have been dating Chris (41m) for a year and a half. About 4 months ago we decided that he should officially move and help with rent in because he stayed at my place for a year not going home and it seemed like making it official was the next step. We live in an extremely HCOL area. My rent is $3300 a month (and that’s a very good deal in the area). I’ve worked my butt off to be able to make it here, to the detriment of my own savings. Meanwhile Chris grew up in the area so has always lived at home not paying rent, so he has a substantial savings of over $100k. Having this help with rent is allowing me to build a small savings. We split everything 50/50 (bills common purchases trips and etc- it’s not like he’s been spending money on me or supporting me outside of his half of the rent). When Chris was 18, he got into a dirt bike accident that messed up his ankle. He finally decided to have it looked at and it will require surgery and a 6 month recovery that he will not be able to work during because his job is physical. Chris has all the toys and freely spends his money on his hobbies, 10k mountain bike he constantly spends money on, brand new f250 he bought outright. Last week he dropped $2500 on fixing something on his dirt bike. I’ve never been able to purchase any “toy” for myself. For perspective, last month I bought myself my first pair new of shoes in 3+ years. I don’t judge his money or spending- as long as he covers his bills, he is a grown man, and it’s his money- we aren’t married or even engaged. Yesterday, he informed me that when he gets surgery he expects me to cover all the rent and utilities and bills again since he will be out of work. I explained I wasn’t comfortable with this as it would be a detriment to me, and the recovery time is quite extensive. He pointed out that with my new raise I should be able to cover everything easily, I pointed out I am trying to build my savings. If we were married or even engaged I’d be open to this idea as we’d be mixing finances and making financial decisions together- but just dating and him only just officially moving in, Im not comfortable with this, and pointed out he has more than enough savings and fmla/ disability should allow him to contribute to the house expenses. He again said that since we are now living together and I got the raise, that he shouldn’t have to dip into his savings. He also said that he wasn’t ready to get engaged (and I’m not ready to either especially after this discussion and watching his spending). This entire situation has really given me the icks and is making me second guess our relationship and future as to me it seems we aren’t aligned financially- and to be honest, I can’t wrap my head around a perspective of someone living rent free while the other partner struggles and they have access to a substantial liquid savings. Not only would I be covering all the rent, but also everything else- groceries, utilities, etc.

Elise Dubois
WIBTAH if I placed my girlfriend's child for adoption?
WIBTA

WIBTAH if I placed my girlfriend's child for adoption?

My girlfriend was in a car accident with my best friend. She passed away and he is hospitalized. I went to visit him and he admitted that they were having an affair. He said our newborn daughter was actually his. He was afraid that he was not going to make it and he wanted me to know the truth. I was broken. I had just lost my girlfriend, my best friend, and now maybe all I had left. I took a paternity test and I am not the father. I approached my church as they are affiliated with a private adoption organization. I am thinking of putting my child up for adoption. I am on the birth certificate. I am her legal father. My mom and dad have been helping me but I have not told them ...𝗦𝗲𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝟭𝘀𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁. 🍿

Elise Dubois
WIBTA if I ‘complain’ about my health care professional for running out of my room screaming over a tattoo.
WIBTA

WIBTA if I ‘complain’ about my health care professional for running out of my room screaming over a tattoo.

A few days ago I had an MRI guided biopsy. While I was inside of the MRI machine, one of my health care professionals came into the room and then ran screaming out of the room because she has arachnophobia and i have a unrealistic tattoo of a tarantula on my arm. To be clear, it’s VERY unrealistic, albeit large. This caused a delay in my procedure. There was an unrelated second delay that kept me in the machine for almost 90 minutes. I was face down, with both my arms over my head. After the procedure, both of my arms were painfully asleep. After the biopsy I had to turn over to have them dress my incision site. One nurse held pressure on my incision and the arachnophobia nurse didn’t help me turn over even though she was told to twice. I was able to turn myself but once I was about half way turned, the nurse holding pressure on my incision could no longer reach it and she had to tell the other nurse 3 times to “grab it” so I could finish rolling over. I was extremely uncomfortable holding the position waiting in the nurse to compass herself enough to grab my bleeding incision. The entire time the one nurse was dressing my incision the other one just stood in the corner. I’m not sure if she was supposed be doing anything else. I was frustrated the day of the procedure but I didn’t address it, thanked them for their help and went on my way. Today I got an email from the hospital asking how the visit went. I have had jobs in the past that were highly dependent on my customer surveys. I am generally very happy with my care at this facility. I don’t have any phobias so I don’t know how hard of a struggle this is, so i don’t know how much grace should be offered here. WIBTA if I am honest about what happened and leave an accurate review.

Clara Jensen
Update:WIBTAH if I disowned my parents after my mom refused to take care of me after I give birth?
WIBTA

Update:WIBTAH if I disowned my parents after my mom refused to take care of me after I give birth?

A lot has happened since my last post. I tried to call my parents but they blocked and i couldn't reach them but i was determined on getting the closure that the younger version of me wanted. So I called my older brother and i asked him if we could meet up and talk about the situation, he told me that he won't meet up with me after what I've done to our mother and he berated me saying that I was an ungrateful person and that mom is in a lot of stress and pain because of me. I told him that it wasn't fair for him to just assume that I was the villain and that he couldn't even understand my point of view because they didn't treat him like they treated me my whole life, he knew that they treated me like their personal chef, maid and therapist for years but they couldn't even give me the love and attention that I wanted for once in my whole damn life, he basically screamed at me through the phone that I was a piece of trash for saying that and that mom and dad treated us all equally but I was just a "damn narcissist who can't think about anyone but myself." I tried to talk but my emotions got the better of him and I started breaking down on the phone and he hung up on me. I even started asking myself if I was really the narcissist that my family seemed to think of me. But my husband came to the rescue and helped me through all of this but the doubt that maybe i was in the wrong still lingeredin my head. I guess my brother told my parents that I called him because dad called about 2 days after that and asked me to meet up at their house. I was about to say no but I couldn't because his voice was filled with remorse so I thought that maybe just maybe we could get past the whole thing and I could drop the thought of cutting contact even if my mom doesn't want to help out. After like 3 days of talking to my dad me and my husband went to their house to talk. I thought that it was going to be me, my husband and my parents talking but they invited my brother and his wife. As soon as we sat my dad started talking about how disappointed he was with ME and that things shouldn't have led to this. I told him that he was right things shouldn't have escalated to be where they are now but I assumed that since mom helped take care of my sister and my brother's wife she would do the same but she just favor everyone else above me and it Is frustrating. I told them about how I felt for the past years and I told them everything that I said to you guys. But all of them acted like they didn't care which honestly hurt like hell. I knew at that moment that I didn't mean anything to them so why was i fightingto be a part of a family that didn't want me. My husband was going to speak but I told him not to. Everyone gave their opinions about it basically blaming me and then dad asked me if I wanted to say anything to mom. I told her that I was sorry because I didn't want any type of bad blood between us before I close this chapter and move on with my life but she didn't say anything back and dad said that we needed some time cooling off and setting some boundaries and I guess that was it between us. In the next 2 week we were packing and leaving the state. I didn't tell anyone about where my new house will be. Only once I got there and settled down did I write a long message about everything they did and how I felt and at the end of the message I told them that I was completely cutting contact with my parents and older brother. I changed my phone number and blocked all of my family from my social media. And you know what? My life has never been this peaceful in a long time I am happy about everything and my baby will arrive any day now. It is honestly stressing but I love it so much. We hired a helper around the house because we can. now my day consists of sleep, take a walk, eat, eat some more, have back and hip pains, and repeat which honestly isn't that bad. Thank you for reading.

Anya Petrova
My Mom and Grandpa Just Died but My Dying Grandma Doesn't Know—Should I Lie to Her?
WIBTA

My Mom and Grandpa Just Died but My Dying Grandma Doesn't Know—Should I Lie to Her?

***Update in the comments. I'm sat here and I'm really overwhelmed. I have been beyond fortunate to never have to deal with death. If anybody has time to keep me company that would be lovely I will be sat in the waiting room for at least a week and my sister leaves tonight. Thank you for your humanity. I don't know how to send direct messages but I have had a few and will reply to anybody even just to share. - - - - I really don't know what I should do Reddit please help me. My grandparents were in a car accident on Saturday and my sister, mother and grandfather were all in the car. The complete right hand side of the car was crushed (UK so drivers side) which sat my grandfather and mother behind. My grandfather died instantly and my mother was rushed to a specialist hospital as she suffered serious brain damage. My grandmother is in a different hospital, my sister is absolutely fine except for a broken wrist. My grandmother has terminal cancer and hemophilia, has had several blood transfusions but I have been told she isn't going to make it past Friday. My mother is in a medically induced coma but is brain-dead and doctors have told me she won't survive off whatever machine is keeping her alive. My grandmother is currently awake although internally she is not in a good way. I told her that my mother broke both her legs and has damage but otherwise ok... I even showed her an old photo to pretend she is fine and my grandmother believed it. I can't tell her. My sister wants to tell her but what is the fucking point? Am I the asshole if I let her die thinking her daughter is still alive or does she deserve the truth?? Sat at my mother's bedside right now and in 4 hours I'm going to the other hospital to see my sister and ultimately decide what to do - what do people think? Please help me I am only 24 I have no idea and will do what everybody thinks is the best course of action. Thank you for listening.

Luca Moretti
WIBTA for making my half-siblings take DNA tests?
WIBTA

WIBTA for making my half-siblings take DNA tests?

My dad was a pro athlete. He wasn’t famous, but he was a steady presence on a team that was. When his career ended after injury, his first wife divorced him, cleaned him out and got custody of their kids, turned his kids against him, and never remarried so she wouldn’t lose the alimony payments. When dad met my mom, his ex threw a fit because mom came from a poor family/wasn’t white, and according to his ex, she was a gold-digging whore because she was pregnant before they got married. My mom died when I was young and we struggled for money between the payments dad was making and his injuries/lack of education making it hard for him to get a job. My half-brothers were really well-off from his support payments and the money from their mom and her “close friend” she was living with. Whenever they stayed with us, they made it clear that they were only there because of the custody order and that they thought we were trash. When dad saw how upset they were making me after mom died, he stopped asking them to come. Dad passed away a few months ago. His will left everything to me, so I’m basically set for (a modest) life. As adults, my half-brothers never had contact with him, not even on holidays or his birthday. Suddenly they’re saying that I’m not his, they’re going to compel a DNA test, that I influenced his will and they’re taking me to court. I have no doubts that I’m his thanks to a DNA test I already took years ago for non-paternity reasons (that they don’t know about). What I am starting to question is if any of them are his sons. WIBTA for agreeing to take a test, but insisting that they have DNA tests too, knowing that I’m not going to give them anything even if they pass? They and their mother treated my parents and me like shit, and I want to know how far the hypocrisy stretches. I also sincerely want to not have any them actually be my family.

Elise Dubois
WIBTAH if I get a divorce because my wife won’t stop blaming me for my father and brother in law’s deaths?
WIBTA

WIBTAH if I get a divorce because my wife won’t stop blaming me for my father and brother in law’s deaths?

A couple of years ago I was out with my father and younger brother in law on a guys night out when a freak accident happened. Someone lost control and crashed right into us. My brother in law died on the spot while my father in law fought for a couple of days in the hospital before he too passed. I broke my arm and leg and almost died too but somehow I made it. This has destroyed my wife completely. The woman I knew and loved and married isn’t here right now. She was a huge daddy’s girl and she also loved her younger brother. Her mood changes every other day now. Sometimes she’s her old caring self and other times she can’t even look at me and she’d scream and cuss at me all day long and she’d blame me for everything. It’s so hard for me because I loved them too. I still see my father in law in that car next to me and her blaming me for it all the time makes it a million times harder. She doesn’t wanna go to therapy with or without me but I’ve been going but with her blaming me it’s basically not doing anything to help me at all. I still love my wife to death and I wanna keep my promise to my late father in law to take care of his little girl but I just can’t do it anymore. It’s too painful. I believe it’d be better for her to not live with who she blames for destroying her family and I think it’d be better for me too and it might finally let me move on.

Elise Dubois
My gf broke up with me today, WIBTAH if I immediately stopped sending her money?
WIBTA

My gf broke up with me today, WIBTAH if I immediately stopped sending her money?

Three year relationship. And for the last two years or so, I have been paying her 56% of my salary for her to do groceries, cook, clean the house, do the laundry, and wash the dishes. She got a job about two weeks ago and told me she didn’t want to do all the housework anymore. I said it was fine but that I wouldn’t pay her a salary any more. I said I wouldn’t make her pay any bills but that I just wouldn’t pay her anymore money since she was no longer “working” for me. She said it was ok and I even agreed to pay her for two months more nonetheless. As a side note, I’ve been living 4 hours away from our apartment for the last three months and will continue to do so for the next three months. During this time, we’ve been seeing each other, on average, 5 days a month. So this weekend I drove home and just a few hours ago, before driving back to my current residence, she broke up with me. I agreed to let her stay at my apartment (it is my parent’s property, we pay no rent) for the next three months while she looks where to live. But now that I think of it, we didn’t discuss the matter of the salary I’ve been paying her. I could really use the money I’ve been paying her, but I wonder if it would be too douchey of me to flat out stop paying her and not wait for her to move out beforehand.

Elise Dubois
WIBTA if I tell my wife that I will no longer be helping with her pregnancy cravings or sleep next to her because she lashed out at me for not finding choco chip ice cream at 3am?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I tell my wife that I will no longer be helping with her pregnancy cravings or sleep next to her because she lashed out at me for not finding choco chip ice cream at 3am?

This happened a couple of days ago and I was really pissed. I'm here because I want to know if I'm in the wrong here. My wife is going to give birth to our twin daughters. I've done everything to support her. I make breakfast everyday and I make it a point to make whatever she asks me to make. Yesterday, my wife woke me up at 2am and told me that she wanted to eat icecream. We had no ice cream left because she ate it all at night. I really wanted to get her the ice cream. She told me that she wanted choco chip. I drove for an hour to find a place at that time. But they didn't have any choco chip at that time. I didn't want to disappoint her, so I got strawberry, her next favourite flavour. When I got back, I told her that I didn't find choco chip. Idk what happened but she started crying and yelling at me. She threw away the ice cream, called me a fucking imbecile and told me I didn't love her. She also told me that she didn't want to sleep next to me. I slept in another room. Now today, she comes to me, cries, apologizes and tells me that she was really stressed out. But I did not sleep with her at night. I've decided that I don't want to do anything now. This is not the first time this has happened. I'm not a fantastic cook. She insists that I make something for her, but when I make it she always tells me that it's horrible. She later apologizes and tells me that it was wonderful ( all this started after the pregnancy ). WIBTA here??

Anya Petrova
WIBTAH if I tell my coworker he can't participate in Secret Santa due to his conditions?
WIBTA

WIBTAH if I tell my coworker he can't participate in Secret Santa due to his conditions?

Okay, so: I'm hosting a Secret Santa at work. It's an employee-run event (no managers involved), and I have been the one to host it for the past few years. I made up some questionnaire slips, sent out an email, and started handing out slips to those who want to participate. One of my coworkers (we'll call him Trey), who I actually really get along with, can be.. difficult.. at times. And has chosen my hosted event as one of those times for some reason. Anyways, here's how it went down: I hand him a slip since he participated last year, and I assumed he would want to play again. He took the slip from me and then asked me "can I just buy someone a gift and not get one?" I told him no, it doesn't work like that. Someone is going to draw his name and they're gonna want to get him a gift. He told me to just put in someone's name who doesn't want to play. I said "they don't want to play, though, so I'm not gonna do that. You either play or you don't. There's no in-between." This just makes sense in my head. But he kept arguing with me saying he really doesn't want any gifts and he doesn't need any more clutter in his house, but he still wants to buy a gift for someone. Another coworker overheard our conversation and kind of called me out for it, saying "damn, just let Trey give a gift to someone and put someone's name in at random. Someone gets an unexpected gift and Trey doesn't have to receive one" I really hate the idea of this, but I told Trey I would think about it. But that just makes no sense to me. I'm not gonna put a random person's name into the hat, and I'm not gonna start asking around "who wants to get a gift, but doesn't want to buy one?" I feel bad because I want Trey to be able to play and participate with us, but I don't like getting pushed into changing rules and making exceptions for people. In my head, the way I set it up is the way the game is played. You either play or you don't. Am I wrong, though? Should I just let him "donate" his gift to someone else?

Clara Jensen
Wibta if I let my kids go trick or treating tonight
WIBTA

Wibta if I let my kids go trick or treating tonight

My children have come homemfrom their dads home ( he has them from Monday to this morning ) His gf of 7 months dropped them off at mine and told me they are grounded and are not allowed to go trick or treating tonight. As she done a punishment now i have to enforce it. To show the kids we are work as a united front. ( her words ) I asked her what they have done to get grounded from trick or treating. She said they wasn't listening yesterday at all to her and made a huge mess that could of been avoided. And as a result they are not allowed to go trick or treating. My children was crying their eyes out over this. I asked her exactly what did they do as telling me they wasn't listening and making a mess isn't good enough my children are 5 and 3. 5 year old has a horriblely short attention span. He can't focus on alot and you need to remind him like 10 times to brush his teeth ( and he will lose his tooth brush when brushing even though sometimes it's still in his mouth bless him school is aware and we are waiting for a referral as they think he's got add.) My 3 year old gets hyper fixated on anything and everything this can be hard to distract or to move on to something different. Like for example lego she will sort it all out into colour and shapes ans will do this for hours with no break and when you suggest it's time to go to bed or have dinner lunch ect she struggles to remove herself from the lego that she is so focused on. Anyway his gf refused to explain to me what they done wrong so I told her I would not be doing this without a valid reason ( I made sure my children was out of ear shot so they didn't see me undermine her ) She's gone back to my ex who is saying I've no right to undermine them and should respect and continue with any punishment they give out like they would if I was to ground them. ( I haven't grounded them as they are young I have a different method that they don't do at theirs even though the children are at mine 90% of the time dad has them during half term or 1 weekend a month sometimes two depending on his job and shift he has ) I told him he needs to tell me what they have done and he said. They didn't listen to gf while doing the pumpkins. And ended up getting gunk everywhere. Because they was playing with the inside of the pumpkin and didn't wash their hands afterwards ran into the living room and wiped their hands on the sofa because paw patrol came on the TV. This doesn't feel like a good enough excuse to not let children go trick or treating. ( plus it's my daughters first time going as she will ill last year ) Wibta if I just took them anyway.

Elise Dubois
WIBTA for telling my mother that I won’t look after HER other child for the rest of my life?
WIBTA

WIBTA for telling my mother that I won’t look after HER other child for the rest of my life?

So I (21F) have one sister (23F), for the sake of the story we’ll call Amy, whom I love dearly but despite being older, has a lot less life experience than I do. She’s never had a job, I’ve been working since I was 15, she stays inside playing video games all day, I make an effort to be social, she still lives with our parents, I moved out as soon as I could. Amy’s always been mother’s favorite, our mothers has narcissistic tendencies and while Amy cradles her, I have a habit of sticking up for myself which obviously mother dearest didn’t like. They’ve always spoiled her, like how she got a PS5 the same year I went without a school laptop because they couldn’t afford both. I hate that in some ways it’s sort of made me resent my sister even though it’s not her fault, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. Anyway, our grandmother passed away recently and my mother decided that I was to move in her house and pay the rates and the bills while they sell there’s and go live the “van” lifestyle for a while (this story would be 10x longer if I got into all that so I won’t) and that my sister would come live with me when they’re ready to go. The issue isn’t her living there, I do love Amy and we’ve gotten along as adults the issue is they’re building her a 10 grand art studio in the yard, let her pick the room in the house she wanted, along with everything else of our grandmothers, it didn’t matter how much it meant to me if she wanted it; she got it and all because “they want her to be happy”. Except I’m paying the bills, and the rates, and getting nothing but what she lets me have. There’s also the fact that I don’t want to live in this town forever, or take care of my sister forever. I need to be able to have my own life but our parent expect me to just…. Take care of their kid because they don’t want to anymore? And she can’t take care of ourselves because she’s never bothered to get a job or go to university? I understand that my parent want their own lives too but they’re the ones who chose to have kids not me. In my eyes if you choose to be a parent it’s a life long commitment even if the kids are adults sometimes things happen and you have to be prepared to look after them. Or at the very least they should be telling Amy she has to look after herself. I brought up the finance issues and they just said they’d put a trust in Amy’s name to help with the house, which is fine I guess but they’re still just spoiling her and not urging her to do something with her life. Amy makes a little money through art commissions but not enough to live and has some mental health issues that affect things, but I do too and I’m still trying to figure life out. I just don’t know what to do so Reddit, would I be the asshole for telling my mother I won’t take care of my sister forever?

Jonas Bergström
WIBTA if I called the police on my mom for robbing me?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I called the police on my mom for robbing me?

Today my Mom came to watch my kids while I had my chemotherapy appointment at the hospital. She quickly left after I got back. I would have liked her to stay for a while because I'm not at my best but at least my kids had supervision when I needed it. The problem is when I got home my daughter was hungry. I'm not sure if she wasn't fed lunch or just hungry like usual. She kept looking in the fridge over and over. I went to help her get a snack because I had stocked the fridge yesterday with a lot of groceries including easy to eat prepared foods. Every single thing is gone. Mom must have bagged up all of my groceries and took them home. I don't even have milk or apple juice for my kids. I've called her several times and she isn't picking up. I called my brother who doesn't live with her and he said he will speak to her and get back to me. He's pissed. Should I call the police? I'm really thinking about it because it's several hundred dollars of groceries I needed for the week and being so close to Christmas it's hard financially to replace.

Luca Moretti