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Category - WIBTA

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WIBTA for not allowing my dying cousin to walk down the aisle?
WIBTA

WIBTA for not allowing my dying cousin to walk down the aisle?

My(27f) cousin(23f) was diagnosed with leukaemia and is not doing well. I feel terrible for her, but I was never close to her growing up. We grew up in different countries. I’m getting married in March 2024. My aunt came over two weeks ago to discuss something. She wants me to let my cousin walk down the aisle with her dad before I walk. I don’t feel comfortable with this because, yes, it’s sad that she won’t get to experience this, but isn’t it my day to shine? My aunt says that I’m being selfish for not doing this. She spoke to my parents about this, and they don’t seem too happy. My in-laws are not pleased too. But they still want me to decide. My fiancé doesn’t feel comfortable too. My aunt brought my cousin to my place to discuss it last week. Cousin cried, saying she wanted to walk down the aisle and that I should let her. I told her it was my wedding day, so it was not right for her to take over. She then called me selfish and a bridezilla for not caring about her. Like I said, we were never close, so I don’t know why she’s trying to do this on my wedding day. I told her I needed more time to think, so She’s on IG posting cryptic stuff, obviously attacking me. I talked to my friends for non-biased opinions, and they were divided. Some want me to allow her to walk down the aisle because she would never get to experience that, and I’ll be doing something nice. WIBTA if I say no?

Elise Dubois
WIBTA if I press charges on a 12 for accusing me ?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I press charges on a 12 for accusing me ?

I (25m) met my wife (24f) around 4 years ago, and the relationship was perfect in all ways; we had many common interests, we rarely argued, our communication was great, and even our families got along well. My life was honestly great; I had a great job that I loved, and we were even planning on starting a family soon. This changed when my wife's cousin C (12f) accused me of something horrible. She always seemed to stick to me whenever I was around, and I had tried to keep my distance because I knew how that could look. Her accusation quickly spread, and it flipped my world upside down; I was fired from my job, my extended family cut me off, and even my wife was skeptical about me. The only people who seemed to believe me were my immediate family, and even then my brother didn't want me around his kids. A week after her accusation, I was arrested and was kept in holding for over two weeks. C's father came to my house looking for me and basically broke everything inside. After I was released, I contacted a lawyer to fight the charges against me. A proper investigation was done, and six months after her accusing me, I was deemed innocent, but the damage was already done. Everyone in our town shunned me, my friends cut me off, and I lost my job and reputation. I am now in the process of pressing charges against C, her dad, and several other members of my wife's family that blasted me on social media for defamation, destruction of property, and more. I am even considering filing for divorce. My wife is telling me to reconsider, saying that she is just a kid and did a stupid mistake, and even my mom is telling me I shouldn't be vindictive and that I got my job back, so there is no damage done. My dad has supported me fully in this, which is creating problems between him and my mom. Frankly, I don't care if she's a kid or what will happen to their family if I press charges; she ruined my life, my reputation, my marriage, and possibly even my future. I am barely holding it together and have broken down crying many times, and all the drama and my mom siding with her is destroying me even more. I know it is the right thing to press charges, but all the people, including my mom, telling me she is just a kid is making me doubt myself.

Luca Moretti
Wibta if I cut my daughter's hair.
WIBTA

Wibta if I cut my daughter's hair.

My 32yo daughter is 7yo. She is working on growing out her hair. Which I generally support. I'm down with her having her hair the way she wants. The thing is, she doesn't comb it (it's curly, so we comb, not brush, same with everyone else in the house). I'd be fine with this, since I don't mind doing it for her, but she doesn't want to let me comb it. To the point that if I need to do so, since she's refusing, she will fight me on it. Kicking. Screaming. Whatever. And like, I'm ok with not doing it myself, so long as she does it. Someone needs to comb the child's hair. Buuutttt she's refusing all options for it getting combed. The goal is twice daily so it doesn't knot up too badly. I've told her that if it can't get cared for, it needs cut. This is becoming a constant battle. So, wibta if I cut her hair? Edit: I'll look up curly hair care. And see what curly kids products I can get, to see if that helps. Edit: managed to get her hair washed. Did leave in, and combed and braided it after. She played Minecraft on my switch during, and had minimal complaints. Will start using this approach for hair care. Thanks for everyone who had advice.

Jonas Bergström
WIBTA for not pay my neighbor to get her daughter’s hair professionally “fixed”?
WIBTA

WIBTA for not pay my neighbor to get her daughter’s hair professionally “fixed”?

My (25F) neighbor (42F) has a daughter Ann (14F) who is a pretty nice kid. She comes over to say hi pretty often and I let her stick around an hour or two some rare days if I’m doing a project she might be interested in. An important thing to note is that I have neon dyed hair that I change frequently and Ann is enamored with it while her mom has commented is “immature.” Ann has asked me a few times to dye her hair and while I expressed that I was of the opinion that teens should be allowed control of their appearance, her mom’s opinions seemed pretty staunch and it might be a better idea not to touch her hair until she’s an adult. Earlier today, I was working in my office when someone banged on my door. It was Ann and her mother. Ann’s hair was a splotchy pink, hands and face stained, and cheeks beet red with tears. Her mom shoves a box into my hands. It was a jar of hair dye and a USPS box with my name on it. I had ordered it last week as my current dye job is on the fade. To make it perfectly clear, I did not give this hairdye to Ann and her mom isn’t accusing me of such. Ann actually admitted to stealing it when the mail for our building came. Ann’s mom screamed at me and told me I encouraged Ann into this behavior and I was gonna pay every red cent to fix it. I said I had the supplies to fix it for Ann (aka get the stains off and even out the color using the remaining dye) but this wasn’t good enough and her mother wants $200 to go to her personal stylist and have it professionally fixed. I think this is beyond ridiculous for a couple reasons. The dye I use is very penetrating and there is QUITE A BIT OF IT in her hair. It isn’t going to just come out clean without significant chemical processing which will doubtlessly cause severe damage to her young hair and scalp. Plus, I hate to sound judgmental, but this woman does not have the hair of someone who has a high dollar stylist. I don’t think she’s even SEEN a stylist since the 2000s. I know this lady pretty well and wouldn’t be shocked if she isn’t demanding a WAY astronomical dollar amount even tho she plans to go buy a box bleach and ruin her daughter’s hair worse than a stylist might. I know that might happen anyway but I really don’t want to be responsible for that. I feel bad though and even my dad says I should just consider handing over the money. WIBTA if I don’t??? EDIT: quick note; I am fully aware that what was done is mail theft but I’m not making an already complicated situation 1000{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f} worse by reporting a 14 year old to the police. EDIT 2: Thank guys for all the amazing responses. I didn’t expect to get any traction so I was shocked by the amount of comments. I have good news! Ann called her dad after she went home last night. I know him but he moved out six months ago so I haven’t seen him lately. He and Ann came by and she apologized profusely for stealing. She’ll be going to stay with her dad at her grandparents house indefinitely. She’s gratefully at the age where she has a choice. Ann was still covered in stains so I offered again to clean her up and her dad was SO glad I offered as he heard I’d offered before and couldn’t imagine me offering a second time. Ann’s hair is now a fun, even, vibrant color of highlighter pink and her skin stains are gone. She’s very happy and since there was no chemical processing involved, her hair is healthy. I gave her and her dad directions to conserve her color and we have a deal that she’s welcome to come back for a touch up or a color change as long as she provides the supplies. When her mom cools off and apologizes, she’s welcome to accompany Ann to see how fun it is as long as she’s nice, but I haven’t heard a peep from her since Ann and her dad left an hour ago and I don’t expect anything lol.

Anya Petrova
WIBTAH for telling my wife that she cannot touch any money I make from my part time job?
WIBTA

WIBTAH for telling my wife that she cannot touch any money I make from my part time job?

Throw away account because my wife follows my main. Long story short, I bring in $80,000 per year as our main source of income for our house due to my disabilities. It’s barely enough money to pay our bills, but that’s it. We don’t really have much extra money to do things like vacations, family outings, eating out, etc. Because of this, we also don’t have enough money to pay for things like renovations and upgrades to our home. I have been trying to get my wife to get a job for YEARS but she refuses to as she wants to be a SAHM for our 4 kids (even though I’m always home). We got into this massive argument some time ago in which I said I wanted a divorce and I wanted to be done. She said she would fix her issues and get a job. That was months ago and I haven’t seen her try to search for jobs, apply for jobs, or even interview. When I ask about it, she gets flustered and refuses to engage in the conversation, or gets upset with me for “hounding her.” I’ve had a part time job before, but she saw it as extra money to do things with and spend on stuff. Whenever we get extra money from a family member for holidays/anniversary, it gets spent almost right away on various things that we don’t *need.* I cannot even save it for things that I would personally like to get, or for needed things like renovations/needed home upgrades. Therefore, I am looking at getting a part time job in which I cannot make more than $1,300 per month due to my disability restrictions. WIBTAH if I put it in a separate bank account and told her that she cannot touch this money as I want to save this money to do things to upgrade the house, buy a new computer, save for a “new” vehicle, etc. Edit: wow, didn’t expect this to blow up. I just logged on so I apologize for not responding for a while. I’ll be reading comments and getting back to people shortly. Edit 2: I’ve seen quite a few people questioning the $80,000 disability, or why I cannot make a more than a certain amount of money, so please allow me to explain. I am a military veteran with PTSD. I do not qualify for full 100{39ca6eb452c0ce4419cd73a8f3bd18a23fe95ab4febb092bc2ab1b542eeea82f}, but since I cannot hold gainful employment, I have been granted IU (individual unemployability) meaning I cannot work and am being paid as such. In addition, I receive SSDI and also my kids receive a portion of my SSDI to help cover their expenses. All together, that equals a little over $80,000 a year. Edit 3: Even though this is Reddit and anonymous, I do not feel comfortable sharing any specifics about my location, ages of my kids, etc. But I will say that I do live in the US, I live in a state with high inflation and a part of the state with a higher cost of living than the other portion (not my choice), and all 4 of my kids are under the age of 7, with two going into school this coming school year. Edit 4: hopefully my last edit... I’ve had over 12+ jobs since getting out of the military 8 years ago. None have lasted more than 6 months. My inability to hold a job doesn’t mean I am unable to acquire a job. It just means that I cannot hold onto it because of my disability. However, because of my inability to hold a job, it has been making it increasingly difficult for me to even acquire a job. I’m not some hypocrite trying to tell my wife she needs to work, but not continuously trying to do so myself.

Elise Dubois
WIBTA to ban my sons girlfriend from my house
WIBTA

WIBTA to ban my sons girlfriend from my house

My(52f) son(22m) has started bringing his girlfriend over a little over a month ago. The first time he brought her over I took it quite formally and cooked up a feast but it soon became obvious it’s becoming a daily thing and not just a one time formal thing. The first meeting she came quite a bit late and the food was cold by the time she came. No pardons or anything and when we were done everyone helped to pack up. And we thought she would kind of get the notion but since it was her first time here we didn’t say anything. As for deserts I like to do this thing example for cupcake I will prepare the icing and everyone would gather and decorate their desert but she made it quite clear from the get go she wasn’t interested in it and stuff. So for basically the last month she’s almost here daily and she would request for specific dishes with no thanks and stuff. My other son(17m) has also verbally called him out on her not contributing anything gently but she said something around the lines of “no ring, no wife duties”. I don’t see this as a wife duty? I would do this for my friends hangout and everyone in my house put a hand in. My daughters, my husband and my sons. So today when my son told me that she requested a specific meat pie for dinner I am quite done, however I don’t want to affect my relationship with my son over this. Especially since he really likes her a lot but I’m really considering banning her from our dinners. Edit: the reason I have such a big problem with this is because my other children has brought their mates back. My eldest son and his girlfriend is living in my house actually but none of them have a problem like this. It was almost natural of them to contribute. Also I don’t have a problem with not wanting to decorate but it’s the idea of her not joining in on family. Like movie night and everything she would just stay in the room alone, even my son was in the living room. Edit: yes it was verbally communicated to her that she’s expected to help out after maybe a few weeks but she replied with the “no ring, no wife duties” ideology. And no, my son isn’t able to get his own place. It’s expensive and you need to be married to get a house. He can’t just move out Edit: as for the people asking about the housing issue search up Singapore…

Luca Moretti
WIBTA for reporting my neighbours?
WIBTA

WIBTA for reporting my neighbours?

A few years ago my partner (27M) and I (27F) bought our first home. I had some savings & a sum of money that had come through from a medical negligence case, & my partner had some inheritance money. We met our neighbours(68M, 65F) the day we started moving furniture in. The woman demanded to know our landlords name so she could "keep in contact with him" & seemed genuinely offended when we told her we owned the house. She made a shitty comment about how she had to work all her life to buy her house, & we were "too young" to deserve a home. I'm waiting on an organ transplant, so work from home in the meantime. One morning I came home from a quick walk around the block with my dog & noticed their son's car parked across my driveway and blocking mine in. I knocked on the door and politely explained that I need to be able to leave at all times in case of a medical emergency, especially if I'm called in for a transplant. The woman snapped at me that she doesn't like people parking next to her because it makes her drive "look messy". Her son did move the car, but called me selfish & a snowflake as he did so. Once she hammered on my door and told me to "shut (my) dog up because he's been barking all day" even though he was at the vet and had been for a few days. About a month after that, I noticed my dog eating something in my garden. I went over to investigate, & saw he had a chocolate bar in his mouth & had eaten most of it. I found a few more empty wrappers scattered along the fence between my yard & the neighbours', immediately called the vet. I'm pretty sure it was my neighbour, but I don't have solid proof so I can't say anything. More than once I've caught her trying to steal our post from the postman. I just don't get *why*. A lot of it is just stuff I need for work (printer paper, sticky notes, etc) with no real monetary value, or medical stuff and non-prescription supplements that are pretty specific to my illness and no use to anyone else. There's literally nothing to be gained from taking it. Her husband is racist and homophobic, and uses the P-word, N-word,& F-word all the time. He also really hates children. Last Halloween he threw a bucket of water over a group of trick-or-treaters. when the parents came over to complain they pretended they weren't home. We've been thinking about extending our kitchen just a little to make it a bit more accessible for me. Somehow in the process, we found our the neighbours' own extention was done illegally. They'd been denied planning permission, but they built it anyway. During the process, they'd also caused some aesthetic damage to our property. A really petty part of me wants to report them, because they've been needlessly nasty for *years*. They would be forced to have it taken down AND pay for the repairs to our house. Tl;Dr WIBTA for reporting my asshole neighbours after enduring years of their shitty behaviour?

Luca Moretti
WIBTA if I chose to stay home with my husband rather than go to my daughter's wedding?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I chose to stay home with my husband rather than go to my daughter's wedding?

My daughter (28f) is marrying a woman (28f) and my husband and I have been trying to be as involved as we can be without violating our conscience or who we are and what we believe. Ever since our daughter opened up to us about her relationship, we've been staying open-minded, praying, communicating with her about it, asking questions, researching, welcoming the girlfriend into our home and getting to know her, attending online therapy with a LGBT counselor that our daughter paid for, and just overall trying to be a loving presence in our daughter's life. It's a process and my husband and I have come a long way from where we were, but sometimes we still come across these, what our therapist calls, "blocks of resistance" that hold us back from supporting our daughter in the way that she may want us to, in that moment. And what I really appreciate about this counselor is that she takes our situation into account as well and is willing to speak up for my husband and I. A few years ago, when our daughter wanted us to attend a gay parade with her, we were hesitant and our counselor stood by us by telling our daughter that it was "too soon". But other than the gay parade, things have been pretty smooth up until now. My husband has drawn a hard line about attending the wedding. I was sort of on the fence about attending, but I decided to stick with my husband. Our daughter is pissed. At our last therapy session together, a week ago, our daughter said that if we didnt come to the wedding, all the work and progress that we had made would mean nothing to her, and that she would not want us to be a part of her life. Again the counselor spoke up for us and told our daughter that everyone had their hard boundaries (boundaries that they would absolutely not cross) and that instead of making ultimatums, it would be better to consider the overall picture rather than letting one moment be the deciding factor of the relationship. [I'm paraphrasing, she said it much better, but I think I got the main point]. The counselor talked to me privately afterward and told me how her parents hadn't came to her wedding, and they eventually made up thirty years down the line, but that was thirty years of memories that they both had missed out on. Yet, when she talked to her parents about it recently, they said that even as much as it had hurt them not to go, they would have made the same choice because it was just something that they strongly disapproved of. She ended by telling me that she wasn't going to tell me to go or not to go, but to really consider all the pros and cons.

Clara Jensen
WIBTA for asking my wife to reconsider our divorce?
WIBTA

WIBTA for asking my wife to reconsider our divorce?

I am 32M. I met my wife 31F, when I was 22, we've been together for 10 years married for 7. She was the only woman I had ever been with and was my first for everything. My wife and I were mostly compatible. We rarely argued we wanted most of the same things out of life. When I met her she was sexy and vibrant. Her smile could light up a room. She was in nursing school and we would go on a date at least once a week. She always seemed so carefree and happy. Unfortunately after we got married she was never able to carry a pregnancy past the first trimester. I don't even know how many miscarriages she had. She ended up with some serious depression issues and stopped wanting to do much of anything. I can't remember the last time we went on a date. She would just go to work, come home, do whatever chores then lay in bed and read or cry. She ended up gaining a lot of weight and I was no longer sexually attracted to her. She would still try to initiate but I didn't want to have sex with her. That made her cry too but I didn't really know what to do about it. I asked her to try to lose some weight or just do something but it seemed she just got more depressed and closed off. I ended up cheating which was the worst possible thing I could have done. My wife caught me in the act and didn't even say anything she just nodded and then called her family to help her pack her things and left. The girl I was dating left shortly after my wife did and I haven't heard from her since then either. I know I hurt her worse than I ever should have and I know there's no coming back from that. I received divorce papers a few days later and it hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. I remember the way she was before all of this and I would have given anything to have her back the way she was before all of the miscarriages. Anyway that was almost a year ago. The divorce is set to finalize soon. I saw my wife recently and she was smiling and laughing with some random guy. She looked so happy. She was all dolled up and looked great. I don't know if she's lost some weight or done something different but the attraction hit me just let like it did when we first met. I knew other people found her attractive I've seen how other guys looked at her even when she was depressed. I just didn't think it would bother me so much that she had moved on. I realize I fd up and she's probably not going to take me back and even if she did it would never be what we had before. She would never trust me again but I've been seriously thinking about asking her if she would be willing to reconsider the divorce and try again. WIBTA for asking her to reconsider?

Luca Moretti
WIBTA for naming my son Brian?
WIBTA

WIBTA for naming my son Brian?

My father, who I was extremely close with, passed away nearly 10 years ago. He single-handedly raised me and was literally my best friend until the day he passed. Even though 10 years have passed, I still miss him every day. After a few months of dating my boyfriend (who we will call Kyle) we had our first discussion about kids and I told him that a dealbreaker for me was to name my son after my father. I didn't want the middle name, I wanted it to be his first name. Kyle said that was a beautiful sentiment and that he fully supported it. I told him if we ever had kids, he has free rein to name the girl whatever he wanted. Well, I'm now pregnant with my second child with Kyle. Our first one was a girl, and much to our first discussion, I let him name her whatever he wanted. In his family none of them have middle names, so we decided to stick with that with our girl. However, we just found out I was expecting a boy. He was super excited, until I started ordering stuff with the baby's name on it. He asked me why I was ordering stuff with the name Brian, and I said it was obviously because that is what we were naming him. We had that conversation over 100 times at this point, so it's not like he just randomly forgot. He said that he thought I was kidding and that we shouldn't name our son Brian. I said he got to name our daughter and I never once complained about the name, so I don't know what he's going on about now. He said he's always wanted a Kyle Jr or Kyle the second or something like that, and I said that's great but you promised that we could name our son after my father. Well, he called his family and they are all calling me complaining about the name. They don't care about my dead father's name and they want something that will match my daughter (more modern) or a Jr. They said Brian is a really bad name for kids today and he will be bullied. I disagree, and even if he was, he is still named after the most special person I've ever met. I have no family left on my side. The last person was my father. No grandparents, no parents, no siblings, cousins, etc. All I have to carry on my family is his name. I'm willing to budge on the spelling if I HAVE to, but they just want the name completely gone. A middle name is not even a discussion anymore because they don't want to break tradition on their side. I understand it's not a popular name. However I feel like this is something that is so precious to me that I will not budge. AITA? Edit: Just to clear up some things up! My boyfriend's name is not Kyle, it's just the name I gave him for the sake of this post. However, his name does start with K. So I promise, we're not going to name our kid Kyle Jr. lol. Also, I know Brian isn't an outdated name. But to THEM it's outdated. They consider it to be "an ugly late 90's/early 2000's" name and said that by the time he his in high school he will be getting hell for it

Jonas Bergström
WIBTAH if I cancel my family's Christmas vacation over hotel accommodations?
WIBTA

WIBTAH if I cancel my family's Christmas vacation over hotel accommodations?

I (F40s) have been married to Jake (M40s- fake name) for over 10 years. We have 3 kids under the age of 8. We are supposed to visit my mother in law (MIL) for Christmas. We've been talking about this trip since last spring and I've said a couple of times that I want 2 separate hotel rooms due to Jake's snoring. We haven't slept in the same bed for over 5 years. For a while, as long as he didn't drink or smoke and wasn't sick, Jake wouldn't snore but he generally wasn't willing to stick to that for more than a day or two at a time. He's slowly gained more and more weight, so now he snores no matter what, but drinking/smoking makes it go from loud to deafening. Well... Jake didn't book 2 hotel rooms. Instead, Jake booked a suite with 2 bed rooms, but there are no doors (its a nice but quirky hotel we've stayed at before.) Jake has a habit of forgetting/delaying things like this and then, at the last moment, he basically twists himself into knots trying to make everyone happy. In reality making no one happy but everyone feels bad for him because he tried to hard so we all just go along with him. Jake's current solutions are he and 1-3 of the kids would stay with his mother and I could stay in the suite, or they would go without me. Neither of these are acceptable to me. I want to be with my family for Christmas, and I don't see the point in going on vacation but not being together. Jake is pissed at me because he and his mother have talked about booking the suite instead of the 2 rooms while I was in the room, but I wasn't paying attention because I wasn't really involved in the conversation. There are also a couple of other issues which are making me less than enthusiastic about this whole trip. We'd either have to take a connecting flight or spend about $2000 per ticket (our kids are new travelers and so the airport will either be fine or a total disaster), and my MIL has been causing some issues in our marriage (basically Jake and MIL will talk about and plan out things involving our kids or our home, and then not tell me about them until the last minute so I either need to agree or I'm controlling and overly sensitive.) I wonder if I WBTAH for canceling everything because we've already talked to the kids about the trip and they're excited, Jake is excited to show the kids the place he spent so much time and loved, and we haven't gone to visit MIL since I first was pregnant.

Luca Moretti
WIBTA if I kept my daughter’s inheritance from my late husband?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I kept my daughter’s inheritance from my late husband?

I have three kids (M24, F18, and F14). My late husband died very unexpectedly four years ago due to COVID. He didn’t have a will, but we had a life insurance policy that provided a $360k death benefit. As his spouse, I received the full amount. I decided to divide the money four ways: I would get $120k, and each of my three kids would get $80k. At the time, my daughters were both minors, so I told them they could access their full amount when they turned 18. However, if they ever wanted to do something pricey, I would allow them to use some of their share. Most of their needs were taken care of by me. My son was over 18, so I gave him his share right away. This arrangement was a verbal agreement, and I intended to follow through with it fully. Recently, however, my middle daughter We will call her Maya, was arrested in December for child endangerment because she severely neglected her little sister, leading to something awful happening under her care. She had to use some of her $80k to pay for lawyer and court fees, which left her with about $65k. Fast forward to today, and my youngest daughter is still struggling significantly. During her check-ups, she scores very low on mental health evaluations and is on a high dosage of antidepressants. She often jokes that if she were to tell us or the doctors how she truly feels, she would be put in a psych ward. Maya no longer lives with us as I felt her presence was doing more harm than good to her sister. She’s staying with my parents for now but has been begging me to give her the money I promised after she graduated. I’ve been hesitant to do so. My sister, who is familiar with the situation, believes Maya doesn’t deserve the money and that I should use it to stay home longer with my youngest, who will be alone during the day once I return to work soon. With my youngest's declining mental health and school being out, I’m very worried about her. Maya is about to go off to college, and I know most of the money would go toward that. However, I’m still very angry with Maya for the pain she caused her sister. I’m having a hard time making this decision. So, WIBTA if I kept her inheritance? ( I’m interested to hear everyone’s perspective just be kind) EDIT: I didn’t expect so many comments but I reading through all them..to the ones that are asking what would husband say if he was here.. I honestly don’t know that’s why I’m conflicted a part of me want to think he would honestly say for me to give maya the money so she go to college, because college was important to him. But also another part of me knows if he herd the details about what happened to Lia he would be way brutal then I am and disown her permanently so it’s hard to make a call on what would he want when I don’t know. TINY UPDATE: I saw a couple comments that told me I should ask Lia, I didn’t flat out ask her like it was her call, to avoid putting unnecessary pressure on her about what I should do, but she told me “mom I think you should give it to her because I don’t want her to be mad at me..she already blames me for getting kicked out”…. She still loves and cares about maya. She doesn’t blame her for what happened to her YET. The reason why I say YET is because I haven’t sat down with her and help her fully understand, what maya did to her was wrong and I’m honestly dreading it. She doesn’t know what maya has said about her nor doesn’t know the true details why she was arrested. In her head she thinks maya was arrested because she threw a party.

Anya Petrova
WIBTA for not letting my roommate have her “boyfriend” over at my house anymore because she won’t let him help me?
WIBTA

WIBTA for not letting my roommate have her “boyfriend” over at my house anymore because she won’t let him help me?

I (26F) have a roommate (26F) who I’ve known for over a decade and we are also now coworkers. She’s been here for about half a year and ever since she moved in she’s always had a boyfriend that stays over (practically lives at my house half of the days out of the week) which doesn’t bother me enough to say anything about, but at the end of the day it is another person being over at my house all the time. The issue that’s recently sparked up is that I messaged her and asked if he could help us take some things from the garage to the dump so we can clear it out since my garage is filled with both her and my stuff. In my head, he has a truck and is a guy, so he would be able to help move heavy things and usually guys love helping women with this kind of stuff so why not ask, right? She responds with “I’m not going to ask him to do that. He already does enough for me and it’s not his responsibility”. Now I’m not an unreasonable person. I understand that it isn’t technically his responsibility and I never insinuated that. I do feel like it’s a fair thing to ask of him since he stays over at my house rent free. It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and unliked/rejected having people live in my house who don’t think I’m worth helping with things. Yes, I plan on having a talk with her about this but I just wanted to get outside perspective to help me see if im being rational about this before I have the talk. Edited for resolution: I asked a friend of an old friend if he would be able to help me move the furniture from my garage into my truck and unload to the dump. He said he’s happy to help and offered to use his truck since it’s bigger ☺️ I will be buying him lunch since he’s doing it during his lunch break. As for the roommate situation I have decided to stop expecting friendly favors and will discontinue being lenient on the amount of rent paid and will no longer tolerate late payments. Thankyou to all who helped me see where I was in the wrong and to the people who showed empathy toward me and were able to see my side of things as well.

Luca Moretti
Wibta for taking my son to Japan
WIBTA

Wibta for taking my son to Japan

I'd just like to firstly state that I don't plan on taking my son until corona is over. For context, my ex wife (36f) and I (38m) seperated when our son was 2, he's now 15 and lives mainly with his mom. 2 years after we split my wife got remarried and had a pair of twin boys shortly after the wedding, the twins are now 10 or 11 I think. I've never really met them, when I pick up my son I never go in the house, he just comes right out to me. Anyway, over the years my son and I have bonded over our love for anime, food and gaming. I've told him since he was 8 that one day I'll take him to Japan to see all the cool things there, plus he loves Disney because of his mom so I planned on taking him Disney land aswell to kill 2 birds with one stone. I asked his mom about taking him when he was 12 because I got promoted and could actually afford to save for it then. She agreed and said it was cool. Fast forward to now. I finally have enough saved to take the 2 of us to Japan for a week and a half. I double check with my ex and she's completely against it, saying she didn't think I'd actually be able to save enough for the trip and thought it was just another one of my dumb dreams. My son is distraught and she's now saying that he can only go if I take the twins as they also like Disney and it's not fair to exclude them. My son has told me they don't even like anime, japanese food or anything else we enjoy and planned on experiencing over there so I don't think they'd enjoy most of the trip, we're literally only spending one day at disney. I also can't afford another 2 kids and I'd feel pretty awkward because I don't even know them. When I told my ex this she said the twins would just be happy to go on a trip because they haven't been on holiday since they were 4 and her and her husband can't afford to take them abroad because they're both unemployed right now. She then suggested I cut the trip down to 4 days so I save money on the hotel and can then get her twins plane tickets too but we can't fit everything we want to do in 4 days. I feel like she's being really difficult on purpose. She started crying and guilt tipping me, calling herself a failure as a mother and saying she couldn't even treat her kids and that they'd never get to do anything nice. It honestly made me feel bad but I really don't want to take these kids. So my question is wibta if I took my son abroad regardless? We have no official custody agreement in place so I wouldn't be going against anything.

Clara Jensen
WIBTA if I broke up with my boyfriend for refusing to eat me out?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I broke up with my boyfriend for refusing to eat me out?

I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for a about a year now. We've had great relationship so far, he is emotionally intelligent, has a stable job, and goes to the gym pretty often. We do have our occasional differences, like me being more into PDA than he is, but it's whatever, he's a great boyfriend. We have a pretty good sex life too, he often initiates intimacy, we have lots of foreplay, AND he cuddles me after, which is great because he's the first boyfriend I've had who actually does that, instead of being like my exes, who were like firework duds with big anticipation, quick pop, then total silence. Anyways, I brought it up with him yesterday that I love to be eaten out, and asked him if he could do that when we had sex. I noticed that he was immediately uncomfortable, and then he told me no after some hesitation because he thinks it's disgusting. I was honestly surprised and quite disappointed, but at the moment I told him it's ok and I respect his choices. Well today I was thinking about it, if I were to stay with this man for a long term, and not be have my needs met, I don't think I could live with that. I brought this up with my best friend (26F) and she told me to really think about if I could accept, or if it's something that will just build resentment. She told me that she had an ex like that and it became a huge issue later on. I think she's right, I don't wanna be unsatisfied, but I also don't wanna break up with him, or try to pressure him to do something he's not comfortable with. I'm not sure what to do here, and would really like some more opinions on this.

Luca Moretti
WIBTA if I told my mom the reason I don't wanna have kids is because of her?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I told my mom the reason I don't wanna have kids is because of her?

My mother is obsessed with having grandchildren. She's so obsessed that at the hospital with my sister who had just had a baby, she was already talking about how it's my other sister's turn. I offhandedly mentioned that I don't want to have kids, and she asked me why, but we had to go somewhere, so I was able to brush it off, but since then she's been making more remarks about wanting more grandchildren; during the Christmas holiday, she told me, my sister and several of my female cousins that we needed to hurry up and find husbands, and every time she mentions grandkids, she looks directly at me. The reason I don't wanna have kids is because my mom was a horrible mother. She was absent for most of my childhood (out of the 12 months in a year, I would see her for roughly 2.5 months) and when she was around, she was overly critical and sometimes downright cruel. She body-shamed me for most of my childhood (one time, we traveled several hours to see her, and the first thing she said to me was "you really need to lose weight") , made fun of me for having stretch marks, not having good grades, anything about me she would try to tear me down. I'm terrified that I could end up doing that to my own kids, and I don't want her around my kids to do that to them. Also, when she was supposed to help my sister after she'd given birth, she would lay around on her phone, and not help out for anything, which led to a big fight between her and my sister. She's still bringing up my not wanting to have kids, and she keeps asking why, so WIBTA if I told her why? Edit: Thank you all so much for your advice. After reading your comments, I've decided to withhold speaking to my mother on this issue and investing in therapy for myself because clearly I have issues to deal with outside of this matter.

Clara Jensen
WIBTA if I tell my vegetarian neighbors they are eating animal byproducts?
WIBTA

WIBTA if I tell my vegetarian neighbors they are eating animal byproducts?

My neighbors are vegetarian for religious reasons. I do know that they weren't always vegetarian and only chose to be more strict about their diet in the last few years. I am also a vegetarian but just as a personal choice. They are raising their daughter as a vegetarian as well while my daughter and husband both eat any meat products they want. My daughter likes to go to their house to play and will regularly come home with things like gummy bears and marshmallow treats that are made with pork gelatin. They also get pizza from a place near us that uses cheeses made with calf renet. There are a few other small examples like that. When we first moved to the neighborhood there was a big block party. My neighbor offered me jello from the table and I told her I don't eat it because it contains pork. She was genuinly surprised that it was made with pork. I didn't say anything about gelatin just the Jello so i don't know if she knows to look for that. It's all small things that most people don't even know are made from a life. Its all very easy to overlook. My husband thinks I should just leave it and let ignorance be bliss for them but again, he's not a vegetarian so it wouldn't bother him. He thinks I would be an asshole because it would be ruining their daughters favorite snacks and I shouldn't do that to a kid. I just feel like if it's important enough for you to raise your whole family in accordance with a certain lifestyle them you maybe would want a heads up that something is slipping through the cracks. All of these things have very similar vegetarian alternatives (Except the marshmallows. They suck.) so it would be an easy fix but since it's tied to their belief system, i'm worried I would be uneccessarily causing guilt. So WIBTA if I said something or should I just leave it and mind my own business? ​ Edit: I also want to add that they are pretty strict otherwise. They only wear vegan clothing and won't even eat mushrooms because they feel that they could be considered an animal.

Jonas Bergström
WIBTA for going on a trip my wife can no longer go on because of her DUI?
WIBTA

WIBTA for going on a trip my wife can no longer go on because of her DUI?

Last year, my wife and I made plans to spend a week in Montreal with another couple we're close friends with. None of us had been to Canada before, and we thought it would be fun if we all went together. We requested time off work, bought flights, made hotel reservations, etc. The trip is scheduled for March. Here's the problem: a month we made all these arrangements, my wife was arrested for drunk driving, and she pleaded guilty to the charge this week. My understanding is that she can no longer enter Canada with a DUI on her record. But I still want to go on the trip, which I paid a lot of money for, and I told our friends I still plan on accompanying them. My wife and I got into a huge fight over it, and she accused me of being selfish and unsupportive for wanting to go without her. I don't think that's fair. I've supported her throughout the entire court process, which has been incredibly stressful and expensive, and I've been looking forward to this trip for a long time. WIBTA?

Elise Dubois