WIBTA if I press charges on a 12 for accusing me ?
The OP (25m) had a stable and positive life, including a job he enjoyed and plans to start a family with his wife (24f). This stability was shattered when his wife's 12-year-old female cousin (C) made a serious accusation against him.
The immediate consequence was severe: the OP lost his job, was cut off by extended family, and faced skepticism from his wife, leading to an arrest and two weeks in holding. After a six-month investigation cleared him, the damage to his reputation and social standing remained. Now, facing the aftermath, the OP is torn between pursuing legal action against C and her family for defamation and property destruction, and listening to his wife and mother, who urge him to drop the charges because C is just a child. The central dilemma is whether to seek accountability for the life-altering consequences he endured or show leniency due to the accuser's age.
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Dr. Sawyer Gray, a specialist in legal ethics and conflict resolution, is known for noting that 'Accountability and rehabilitation are not mutually exclusive concepts, but they operate on different timelines and serve different purposes within the justice system.'
The OP's situation presents a clash between restorative justice (focusing on the well-being of the young accuser and the family unit) and retributive justice (seeking punishment for the harm caused). The OP was subjected to extreme collateral damage—job loss, social ostracization, and incarceration—based on the accusation, even though he was later found innocent. While the 12-year-old cousin may have acted impulsively or been influenced by others, the legal system’s declaration of innocence does not erase the real-world devastation experienced by the OP. His desire to press charges for defamation and destruction of property speaks to a fundamental need for validation and the restoration of his reputation, which are essential elements of psychological recovery.
The pressure from the OP's mother and wife to drop the charges complicates the situation by layering emotional labor onto his trauma. It suggests that maintaining family peace and protecting a child (C) is prioritized over acknowledging the severe injustice done to the OP. The father's support offers a crucial counter-balance, recognizing the validity of the OP's legal standing. A professional recommendation would be for the OP to continue pursuing the civil aspects of his case (defamation/destruction of property) to legally establish the truth and seek financial redress, while perhaps exercising discretion on criminal charges against the minor. This path allows for accountability without completely destroying the cousin's future, though the OP must accept that his marriage may need significant repair regardless of the outcome.
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The OP is experiencing significant emotional distress, feeling betrayed by his mother's lack of support and struggling with the conflict between his desire for justice and the societal pressure to forgive the young accuser. His actions, while legally justified in seeking redress for severe damages, are being framed by some family members as vindictive rather than necessary.
The core question remains whether the severity of the consequences suffered by the OP justifies pressing charges against a minor, or if focusing on rebuilding his life without further legal conflict is the appropriate path forward. Should the OP prioritize his personal vindication and the establishment of legal truth, or accept the plea for mercy based on the cousin's age?