AITA for not being intimate with my husband after he locked me outside naked until I would have s*x with him?
The user, who recently gave birth three months ago, explains that she was physically and emotionally unprepared for s*xual intimacy for some time afterward. She waited two months past the birth before engaging in s*x with her husband.
One midday, when the husband initiated s*x and she declined, he forcibly took her outside into the fenced backyard and stated he would not allow her back inside until they were intimate. After becoming distressed and crying, the user eventually agreed to have s*x to gain reentry, feeling miserable during the act, but her husband later dismissed her distress by comparing the situation to sunbathing. Following this incident, she has continued to feel no desire for intimacy, leading her to question if she is wrong for not wanting to be intimate with her husband.
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As licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Lori Gottlieb states, “Consent is not a one-time event; it is an ongoing conversation.” This situation is a profound violation of ongoing consent, especially concerning intimacy following childbirth, which is a significant physical and psychological event.
The husband’s actions—physically moving his wife against her stated refusal, trapping her outside while naked, and only allowing reentry after sexual compliance—constitute sexual coercion and emotional abuse. His attempt to normalize the event by comparing it to sunbathing demonstrates a severe lack of empathy and an inability to recognize the difference between a consensual activity and a forced sexual encounter. This behavior prioritizes his perceived 'needs' over his wife's physical safety, autonomy, and emotional well-being. The user's resulting feelings of confusion and shame are common responses to trauma and boundary violations.
The user’s lack of interest in intimacy is an entirely appropriate emotional and physical response to being coerced. In handling future situations, the user should prioritize establishing clear, firm boundaries and seeking immediate professional support, such as trauma counseling or relationship therapy, to address the violation. The husband needs to understand that intimacy must be based on mutual, enthusiastic consent, not coercion or guilt.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
This one sparked a storm. The comments range from brutally honest to surprisingly supportive — and everything in between.
The user is currently feeling confused and ashamed because she has not been interested in sexual intimacy with her husband following a highly distressing and coercive incident where he forced her outside naked until she complied with his sexual demands. Her current lack of desire conflicts directly with her husband's stated needs and expectations for marital intimacy.
The central conflict is whether the user is at fault for her ongoing lack of sexual interest given her recent trauma and physical recovery, or if the husband's non-consensual actions created an environment that rightfully inhibits intimacy. The core question for debate is whether a spouse's unmet sexual needs justify coercive behavior, or if the violation of physical and emotional boundaries permanently alters the foundation for future consent.