AITAH For Refusing To Give My Ex “Full Access” To My Life Just Because We Co-Parent?
She had once believed in forever, their love forged in the innocence of high school and tested by the arrival of their baby. But betrayal shattered that dream—his unfaithfulness a cruel echo of his unmet desires, leaving her to pick up the pieces of her heart while nurturing new life. Alone yet determined, she began to rebuild herself, finding strength in her faith and the warmth of new friendships, all while striving to shield their child from the storm of broken promises.
Now, as they navigate the fragile dance of co-parenting, his demands for transparency feel less like partnership and more like control—a painful reminder that some wounds are slow to heal. She stands firm, protecting her sanctuary and her baby, refusing to let past betrayals dictate the terms of her new life, even as old conflicts threaten to pull them back into the chaos they fought so hard to escape.
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As renowned relationship expert Dr. Harriet Lerner explains, “The first duty of a healthy relationship is to establish boundaries that protect the integrity of the self.” This situation clearly involves a significant boundary violation stemming from a history of distrust and unequal power dynamics.
The ex-partner’s insistence on reciprocity for information he volunteers is a common tactic used to justify controlling behavior. His history of cheating indicates a pattern where his needs (libido) were prioritized over the relationship structure. Now, he is attempting to extend that control into the OP’s independent life under the guise of 'co-parenting transparency.' True co-parenting transparency applies strictly to the child's well-being, schedule, and health; it does not extend to the non-custodial parent's associations when the child is not present.
The OP's actions in protecting her social circle, including asking friends to limit social media posts, are appropriate responses to invasive behavior, which is compounded by her mother’s unhelpful bias. Moving forward, the OP should communicate clearly that all discussions must be strictly limited to the baby's care. If the ex-partner continues to cross these lines or engage in surveillance, establishing communication solely through a monitored co-parenting app may be necessary to create an objective, documented record.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
The community had thoughts — lots of them. From tough love to thoughtful advice, the comment section didn’t disappoint.
The original poster (OP) is facing a conflict where her ex-partner demands complete transparency regarding her personal life, using his own voluntary disclosures as justification. The OP feels this demand infringes on her necessary personal boundaries, especially given the history of infidelity and her desire to rebuild her life separately.
Is the OP correct in maintaining strict boundaries over her private social life, which is unconnected to the baby, or is the ex-partner's demand for reciprocal openness a necessary component of functional co-parenting after a breakup involving infidelity?