AITA (46F) for cutting my son with a brain tumor (25M) out of my life?
Three years ago, a family’s world shattered when their son was diagnosed with a relentless brain tumor, a shadow looming over his future with a grim prognosis. What followed was a harrowing journey through despair and helplessness, as the young man’s spirit crumbled under the weight of his illness, slipping away into isolation and silence despite the family’s desperate efforts to save him.
Just when hope flickered back with signs of recovery, a devastating relapse plunged them into darkness once more. The invisible battle with addiction gripped him tightly, tearing apart the fragile threads of his new life. The family now faces a brutal reality—watching the son they love struggle against demons they never imagined, caught in a heartbreaking fight for survival and redemption.
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As renowned addiction expert Dr. Gabor Maté explains, “Addiction is fundamentally a response to early injury, not a choice.” While this statement is critical for understanding the root causes of the son's behavior—likely exacerbated by the trauma of his prognosis and the resulting depression—it does not absolve the parents of the need to establish firm boundaries necessary for their own survival.
The parents are caught in a classic enabling dynamic, driven by deep love and the immense stress of the son's terminal diagnosis. Their giving of money after discovering theft, despite knowing he was actively relapsing, reinforces the addiction cycle. The son, facing an incurable illness, appears to be coping through self-destruction, manifesting in substance abuse and destructive stealing, which may be a subconscious expression of his despair or a learned behavior pattern reinforced by immediate parental relief. The mother's acknowledgment of suicidal ideation regarding her son highlights the toxic emotional toll this situation has taken on the entire family unit.
The mother’s decision to cease contact is an appropriate, albeit painful, step towards establishing critical boundaries. Professional recommendation centers on the family seeking specialized support—not just for the son's addiction, but for the parents' trauma and grief management. Future interactions should be strictly limited to structured interventions, such as involvement with case managers or a mandated treatment program, rather than allowing open-ended financial or emotional access that facilitates further use.
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The parent is experiencing profound emotional distress, grief, and exhaustion due to their son's severe substance use disorder, which developed following a devastating brain tumor diagnosis. Their central conflict lies between the unconditional desire to help their suffering child and the absolute necessity of self-preservation after repeated enabling and boundary violations led to further crisis.
When a parent has exhausted all resources protecting a child struggling with addiction and severe illness, is cutting off contact a final act of tough love and self-preservation, or is it a failure to support a vulnerable individual whose behavior may be influenced by medical conditions? Where does parental responsibility end when the child actively rejects help and engages in criminal behavior?