AITA for refusing to give up my life insurance payout and asking my ex’s family to refinance the car he left me?
When tragedy strikes, it unearths buried emotions and unresolved wounds. She was blindsided not just by the sudden loss of her ex, but by the storm of feelings she thought she had left behind—the heartbreak, the betrayal, and the long road to healing. Five years of love shattered by infidelity, a painful breakup, and a year of silence now collide with the reality of his death.
But grief isn’t always simple or pure. Amidst the sorrow, an unexpected twist emerges: a life insurance policy naming her as a beneficiary, entwining her once again in a life she thought she had moved beyond. This revelation forces her to confront a complicated past, where love, loss, and lingering ties blur the lines between closure and chaos.
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As renowned legal and financial planning expert, Suze Orman, has often stated regarding beneficiary designations, “A beneficiary designation is a legally binding instruction that overrides a will.” In this context, the ex-partner’s designation of the OP as a 50% beneficiary on a new life insurance policy, created after the relationship ended, represents a deliberate, legally executed financial decision. This action supersedes any emotional or relational obligations the surviving family members may feel the OP should uphold.
The OP’s emotional justification—feeling she "earned" the money due to the trauma inflicted during the five-year relationship—while understandable from a psychological standpoint of seeking redress for past harm, is secondary to the legal reality. Her immediate priority should be severing the financial liability associated with the car loan, which directly threatens her present and future financial security. Her insistence that the car be refinanced before it is transferred is a necessary measure to protect her credit rating against unknown risks associated with the baby mama or the estate.
The OP’s actions regarding both assets are largely appropriate from a self-preservation standpoint. She is not obligated to accept financial burdens or gifts intended to create future liability. The constructive recommendation is clear communication: maintain the boundary regarding the car until refinancing is complete, and firmly state that the insurance payout is a personal outcome of the ex-partner's final wishes, not a communal estate asset.
THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.:
It didn’t take long before the comment section turned into a battleground of strong opinions and even stronger emotions.
The original poster (OP) is grappling with complex emotional fallout following the unexpected death of an ex-partner who betrayed her years ago. While she experienced significant healing after the breakup, she is now facing financial and logistical demands from the deceased's family, who believe she should relinquish both a life insurance payout and control over a vehicle still tied to her credit.
Given that the OP was intentionally named a beneficiary by the ex, and she is solely liable for a significant debt, is her decision to retain the insurance money and the car until the debt is cleared an appropriate act of self-protection, or is it an unreasonable stance that denies support to the surviving child and family?