AITA for asking my friend to stop the way she shows off her “before” shots when she’s refashioning my clothes?
She was proud of her curves and loved fashion, embracing her plus-sized figure with confidence and style. When her friend Katie, a creative soul pa*sionate about refashioning thrifted clothes, asked to sift through her wardrobe for unique finds, she gladly agreed, hoping their collaboration would celebrate body positivity and creativity alike.
But excitement turned to hurt as she scrolled through Katie’s Instagram, where the refashioned pieces were showcased alongside exaggerated, mocking expressions and poses that twisted her joy into something cruel. What was meant to be a shared pa*sion became a painful reminder of how easily admiration can slip into ridicule.
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As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” This situation highlights a significant boundary violation, not necessarily regarding the physical property, but concerning emotional safety and respect within a friendship. The OP’s request was not about stopping the refashioning itself, but about the manner in which the 'before' state was portrayed—a manner that directly triggered feelings of shame or ridicule related to her body size.
Katie's response—accusing the OP of being 'hypersensitive' and claiming that gifting the clothes meant forfeiting all rights to feedback—is a common tactic used to deflect accountability for causing emotional harm. While legally and formally, once the clothes are gifted, they are Katie's property, the context here is a close friendship built on an initial exchange of favors. Katie prioritized her creative expression and desire for engaging social media content over maintaining relational harmony and respecting her friend’s vulnerability.
The OP’s final action of ceasing the provision of clothes was an appropriate, albeit reactive, boundary enforcement. A more constructive approach moving forward would involve clearly communicating that continued friendship requires mutual respect, even if it means establishing clearer terms upfront about how gifted items can be used publicly. However, given Katie's dismissive reaction, withdrawing the resource (the clothes) was the most immediate way for the OP to protect her emotional well-being.
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The original poster (OP) initially agreed to give her friend Katie access to her unwanted clothing for creative projects, but this arrangement soured when Katie used highly exaggerated, mocking facial expressions in 'before' photos that seemed to target the OP's plus-sized body. Although the OP initially tried to set a boundary regarding the presentation of the gifted items, Katie dismissed these concerns, asserting complete ownership and control over the items and the OP's feelings.
The core conflict lies between the OP's expectation of respect and sensitivity regarding her body image versus Katie's claim of absolute creative freedom over donated property. Was the OP justified in asking for basic respect concerning how the gifted items were presented, or did giving the clothes away truly forfeit all rights to comment on their subsequent use and display?