AITA for going home right after I found out that my FMIL lied about not bringing kids on this family trip?
In the shadow of a profound loss, a mother’s heart beats fiercely for her two daughters, navigating the delicate path of love and healing. Despite the pain of losing their father to cancer, she finds hope in Jack, a man who cherishes her girls as his own, yet their happiness is shadowed by the cold judgment of his mother, whose harsh views threaten to fracture their fragile peace.
As they prepare for a family trip that excludes her children, the mother faces the painful reality of being an outsider in the life she hopes to build. With the weight of judgment and exclusion pressing down, she stands resilient, determined to protect her daughters’ place in a world that seems reluctant to embrace them fully.
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As renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman explains, “The single most important thing we can do in a relationship is to connect with each other, and that connection is built on positive interactions.” In this situation, the positive connection the OP seeks with her fiancé is severely strained by his perceived failure to fully validate her justified anger regarding the exclusion of her children.
The fiancé’s mother's actions—lying about the nature of the trip to exclude the children—demonstrate a lack of acceptance and boundary violation concerning the OP's established family unit. The fiancé’s response, siding with his mother’s “entitlement to her feelings” over actively confronting the deception and the resulting emotional impact on the OP and her children, suggests a misalignment in prioritizing family values. While the OP’s immediate reaction (lashing out and canceling the ticket) was emotionally driven and may have escalated the conflict, her underlying motivation—defending her children—is fundamentally sound.
The OP acted appropriately in recognizing and reacting to an unfair slight against her children, though the execution could have been managed with more strategic communication. Moving forward, the recommendation is for the OP and Jack to establish a unified front regarding the inclusion of the children in all future family events, ensuring that any limitations are communicated honestly and that Jack consistently supports his future wife and her children over his mother's outdated prejudices, rather than asking the OP to simply 'give it time.'
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
The thread exploded with reactions. Whether agreeing or disagreeing, everyone had something to say — and they said it loud.
The original poster (OP) experienced significant emotional pain when her fiancé's mother actively excluded her daughters, leading to a breakdown in trust and an abrupt departure from a planned family trip. The central conflict lies between the OP's need to protect her children from perceived slights and her fiancé's desire to maintain family peace by asking her to tolerate his mother's current behavior while promising future improvement.
Is it more important for the OP to prioritize protecting her children from perceived disrespect and emotional exclusion immediately, or should she prioritize maintaining the stability of her relationship with her fiancé by exercising patience and allowing time for his mother's views to change?