AITA for not letting a homeless woman in my apartment?
After years of enduring the harsh reality of homelessness, a glimmer of hope finally appeared when she secured an apartment on the Southside of Chicago. But even in her newfound refuge, the scars of hardship lingered, as she faced the heart-wrenching choice between compa*sion and the fear of losing everything she had fought so hard to regain.
One cold, dark evening, a desperate homeless woman’s plea for warmth and shelter stirred a deep empathy within her. Torn between kindness and the harsh rules that governed her fragile stability, she wrestled with the haunting question: should she risk everything to offer a stranger the comfort she once longed for, or protect the fragile sanctuary she had finally claimed?
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As renowned social worker and advocate for the unhoused, Dr. James F. Valley, states, “When personal safety and the security of one’s own basic needs are threatened, the first responsibility one has is to self-preservation; however, ethical action demands maximizing available low-risk aid for others.”
The original poster is navigating a critical juncture: moving from homelessness to housing stability. This new security is fragile, and the fear of landlord repercussions or negative neighbor interactions is a valid concern rooted in maintaining their primary need—shelter. Allowing an unvetted individual into a new rental unit introduces significant risk concerning lease agreements, which often prohibit unauthorized guests, especially those who are homeless. The request itself—for warmth and charging—is immediate and basic, appealing strongly to empathy, which the poster clearly felt. However, empathy must be tempered by practical realities when one's own foundation is newly established.
The poster’s decision to deny access was appropriate given the immediate threat to their housing contract. A more effective future strategy would involve pre-planning low-risk alternatives. Instead of an internal debate between 'full access' or 'no access,' the poster could have immediately offered to charge the phone outside the door or directed the woman to a known, safe 24-hour public space (like a library or a specific shelter intake center) while maintaining their boundary regarding the apartment itself. This balances compassion with necessary self-protection.
THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.:
The crowd poured into the comments, bringing a blend of heated opinions, solid advice, and a few reality checks along the way.
The original poster experienced a conflict between deep empathy for a vulnerable person and the need to protect their new, hard-won housing stability. The decision to deny entry, while driven by fear of landlord issues and past negative experiences, resulted in leaving someone in immediate, harsh weather conditions.
Given the immediate need for warmth versus the tenant's legitimate concern for tenancy rules, was the original poster obligated to offer a compromise like lobby access, or was prioritizing the security of their housing situation the only responsible choice?