WIBTAH if I said someone’s trans husband couldn’t attend a women’s dinner?
In a city where women seek connection and community, one organizer strives to create inclusive spaces that celebrate diversity and understanding. Balancing personal challenges like Celiac disease with the desire to foster friendship, she carefully curates monthly meetups designed to welcome all women and explore new experiences together.
Yet, when faced with the delicate question of whether a trans man can join these gatherings, she finds herself at a crossroads of empathy and boundaries. Her intention is clear: to keep the space drama-free and respectful, but the complexity of ident*ty and inclusion challenges her to navigate uncharted emotional terrain with compa*sion and integrity.
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As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
The situation involves a tension between the OP’s responsibility as an organizer and the social expectations of the group. The group is advertised as a space for "women to meet women." This framing implicitly sets a boundary based on gender identity, which is common in affinity groups designed for shared experiences specific to womanhood. When the OP organizes events meant to be "drama free" and inclusive within that stated context, denying entry based on gender identity—even when that identity is male—is arguably an enforcement of the group's established social contract, not inherently personal malice.
The OP's motivation appears centered on preserving the intended function of the meetup (female bonding) rather than displaying transphobia. However, the friend's request introduces complexity regarding evolving definitions of gender within social spaces. A constructive approach for the future would be to clearly define the group’s scope in the event description. If the intent is strictly cisgender women, that should be stated. If the intent is broader but centered on shared experiences, the OP could suggest the friend attend solo events or propose alternative, mixed-gender activities for social outings, thereby honoring the primary group's focus while still supporting the member's inclusion elsewhere.
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The original poster (OP) is facing a conflict between their desire to keep the women-only social group focused strictly on female bonding and the request to include the transgender husband of a member. The OP is hesitant to exclude the individual, fearing they might be perceived as rude or unkind, yet they also feel protective of the group's established boundary regarding gender inclusion.
Should the OP prioritize the explicitly stated, informal purpose of the group—women meeting women—even if it means potentially excluding the husband of a current member, or is the inclusive action of allowing the husband a greater priority in maintaining group harmony?