AITAH for... letting something happen with my wife and my nephew?
In a fragile household where trust and boundaries once seemed clear, an unexpected tension brews beneath the surface. A man finds himself wrestling with a creeping sense of betrayal as the closeness between his wife and his nephew—a young man he cares for deeply—shifts into something unrecognizable, threatening to unravel the foundation of their lives.
What began as innocent camaraderie morphs into a haunting silence filled with unanswered questions and uneasy glances. In the quiet of the night, when the house should be a sanctuary, the painful reality dawns: the lines between family, friendship, and desire have blurred, leaving a man lost in a storm of confusion and heartbreak.
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As renowned relationship therapist Esther Perel explains, ". . .infidelity is a betrayal of a promise, but it is also a symptom of a relationship in distress, or a crisis of self."
This situation presents a complex entanglement of marital boundaries, kinship ethics, and situational context. The OP's primary conflict stems from the boundary violation crossing into the realm of immediate family trust, an area often considered non-negotiable even within non-monogamous structures. The wife's defense centers on mitigating factors (alcohol, lapse in judgment) and existing agreements (open marriage), yet these agreements typically presuppose external partners, not an intimate relative of the spouse. The dynamic is further complicated by the nephew's youth (19) and dependent status, suggesting a potential power imbalance, regardless of the wife’s intentions.
The OP's self-doubt regarding his role in creating the environment is understandable but misplaced; while open marriages require rigorous boundary setting, they do not excuse deliberate infidelity, especially with a family member. The OP's actions in this immediate aftermath—freezing rather than reacting—suggest shock rather than complicity. Professionally, the OP's immediate focus should be on establishing safety and distance for the nephew to leave, allowing space for the marriage to be assessed once the immediate crisis has passed. Any path forward requires explicit, non-negotiable boundary definitions regarding extended family that supersede the 'open' aspect of the marriage.
REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.:
The thread exploded with reactions. Whether agreeing or disagreeing, everyone had something to say — and they said it loud.
The original poster (OP) is experiencing profound emotional distress, feeling deeply betrayed because the infidelity involved his nephew, which introduces a severe breach of family trust layered onto the existing boundaries of their open marriage. His wife is seeking forgiveness based on it being a mistake, while the nephew wishes to flee the situation, leaving the OP caught between feelings of personal betrayal and confusion over how to proceed.
Should the OP prioritize the violation of family integrity over the pre-existing agreement of their open marriage, or is the entire concept of their relationship structure fundamentally incompatible with maintaining necessary familial boundaries? Is forgiveness possible when the breach involves such a close, protected family member?