WIBTA if I broke up with my boyfriend for refusing to eat me out?
In a relationship painted with moments of joy and emotional connection, she found solace in the stability and warmth her boyfriend offered. Their bond, punctuated by shared intimacy and tender cuddles, felt like a rare and beautiful harmony, a stark contrast to her past encounters filled with silence and unmet needs.
Yet, beneath the surface of their seemingly perfect union, a quiet disappointment began to take root. When she vulnerably expressed a desire, hoping for openness and understanding, his immediate discomfort and refusal cast a shadow over their closeness, hinting at unspoken boundaries and the fragile balance between love and personal limits.
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As renowned sex therapist Dr. Emily Nagoski explains, “Desire is not a choice, but it is also not a permanent fixture. It’s a state that is created by context.” While this quote often refers to initiating desire, it highlights that sexual needs and preferences are deeply personal and often resistant to change based solely on a partner’s request.
The situation presents a classic dilemma of sexual compatibility versus overall relationship quality. The boyfriend's reaction, labeling the act as 'disgusting,' suggests a strong aversive feeling, which is unlikely to change through persuasion. The OP's reaction—feeling disappointed and envisioning future resentment—is equally valid, as sexual satisfaction is a key component of relationship health. Pressuring him risks damaging trust, while suppressing her need risks creating the very resentment she fears. This specific act (oral sex) falls into the category of sexual activities where consent and genuine enthusiasm are critical; performing it out of obligation would likely satisfy neither partner in the long run.
The OP's actions in the moment (accepting his boundary) were appropriate for maintaining peace, but the subsequent reflection is necessary. The constructive recommendation is to move beyond simple acceptance or pressure. The OP needs to have a calm, non-accusatory conversation exploring the root of his aversion, and if it remains absolute, accept that this specific preference mismatch might be a non-negotiable dealbreaker for her long-term happiness, requiring a difficult decision based on prioritizing relationship breadth versus sexual depth.
THE COMMENTS SECTION WENT WILD – REDDIT HAD *A LOT* TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE.:
The crowd poured into the comments, bringing a blend of heated opinions, solid advice, and a few reality checks along the way.
The original poster is facing a significant conflict between maintaining a relationship with a seemingly excellent partner and having a specific, important sexual need unmet. Her disappointment and concern stem from realizing that this single incompatibility might lead to long-term resentment if unaddressed.
Can a core sexual preference difference, where one partner finds an act disgusting and the other finds it necessary for satisfaction, reasonably be overlooked in a long-term commitment, or does this signal a fundamental incompatibility that requires ending the relationship?