found out my dad is a ped*phile
An 18-year-old girl is shattered by the horrifying revelation that her father sexually assaulted her half-sister when she was just 15. The betrayal cuts deep, twisting her world into a nightmare where the man she once knew is now a figure of disgust and fear, a predator hiding behind a mask of family.
Surrounded by a family that refuses to confront the truth, she feels isolated and unheard — her pain dismissed by those who should understand. As she grapples with the loss of the father she thought she had, she stands alone in a storm of silence, desperately seeking a way forward through the wreckage of trust and love.
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As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
The OP is facing an extreme ethical and emotional crisis triggered by the revelation of severe abuse committed by a parent. Their immediate reaction—disgust and the decision to cut ties—is a natural and healthy self-protective response to an act that fundamentally violates trust and safety. The family's reaction presents a significant challenge: the mother's minimization, the sister's stated indifference (which could stem from complex coping mechanisms like dissociation or a desire for superficial peace), and the wider family's decision to 'sweep it under the rug' all constitute a form of invalidation of the OP's justified distress. This invalidation isolates the OP, making them feel 'crazy' because their reality is not being mirrored by their support system.
The boyfriend's comment suggests a failure to understand the gravity of sexual abuse and the necessary response to such a revelation, prioritizing the superficial maintenance of the family unit over the OP's moral reality. The OP's choice to cut off contact is appropriate for establishing necessary safety and integrity. Moving forward, the OP should seek external, objective support, such as therapy, to process the trauma and the secondary trauma of family invalidation. A constructive recommendation is to firmly hold the boundary with the father, while communicating clearly to other family members (if they choose to engage) that their boundary is non-negotiable for their own well-being, even if that means accepting temporary distance from those who do not support it.
REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.:
The crowd poured into the comments, bringing a blend of heated opinions, solid advice, and a few reality checks along the way.
The original poster (OP) is experiencing profound shock, horror, and disgust upon learning about their father's past sexual assaults against their half-sister. The central conflict arises because the OP has completely disowned their father based on this discovery, while nearly every other family member—including the mother, the half-sister, and the extended family—has minimized the event or chosen to continue their relationship with the father, leaving the OP feeling isolated and unsupported in their moral stance.
Given the severe violation of trust and safety revealed, should the OP prioritize their own immediate emotional safety and moral clarity by maintaining a zero-contact boundary with their father, or is there an obligation to navigate complex family dynamics to maintain some level of relationship, as the rest of the family seems to expect?