AITAH for getting uncomfortable because my (now ex) girlfriend was crushing on 2 actors?

According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, healthy relationships thrive on what he terms "Love Maps" and "emotional bids." When one partner dismisses the other's emotional reaction—even to something seemingly trivial like a celebrity crush—it functions as a "turn away" from an emotional bid, which can erode trust and validation over time. The issue here is less about the actors and more about the subsequent communication breakdown.

The boyfriend's feelings of discomfort and disrespect are valid responses to feeling that his position in the relationship was publicly undermined, even if intended humorously. The girlfriend’s reaction—initially agreeing and then retracting that understanding while expressing frustration—demonstrates poor emotional regulation and a potential unwillingness to tolerate her partner's vulnerability. Her justification relying on the logical absurdity (the actors' age/fame) dismisses the partner's emotional reality, which often signifies a boundary misalignment.

The boyfriend's initial reaction was appropriate for expressing a boundary based on personal comfort levels. A more constructive future approach involves immediate, calm articulation of the feeling ("When you post X, I feel Y"), followed by active listening to the partner's intent, rather than reacting defensively. The goal should be mutual understanding, not proving the other person wrong about their feelings.