WIBTA for announcing my engagement the day before my sister's baby shower
She carries the weight of being the eldest, bearing scars from a shattering divorce that tore her family apart and distanced her from the faith they once shared. The chasm between her and her loved ones grows wider with every pa*sive-aggressive barb, yet she remains the quiet anchor for those she still holds dear, like her 98-year-old grandmother.
Amidst the fractured ties and unspoken tensions, a fragile thread of connection remains as her pr***ant sister and grandmother prepare to gather under one roof. Behind the scenes, she guards a private love story, a silent engagement that contrasts sharply with the turmoil surrounding her, embodying resilience and hope in a world that often feels cold and judgmental.
Subscribe to Our Newsletter
According to Dr. Harriet Lerner, a clinical psychologist known for her work on family systems and boundaries, navigating significant personal news within a family structure often requires assessing the context and the intent behind the disclosure. Lerner often emphasizes the importance of assertive communication that respects both one's own needs and the impact on others.
The poster is managing several complex dynamics: the strained relationship with her immediate family due to past life choices, the strong bond with her elderly grandmother, and the desire to share her engagement organically versus the perceived 'spotlight stealing' concern regarding the baby shower. The worry about announcing the engagement stems from an awareness of historical family judgment and a fear of negative reactions, which is amplified by the proximity to the sister's event. Sharing the news privately with the grandmother the day before the shower, especially given the limited time with her, is primarily an act of connection and disclosure to the person with whom the OP shares the closest bond. The friend's assertion that this would be 'stealing the spotlight' applies the logic of a large public event to a small, private interaction, which may not be an accurate assessment of the situation.
The OP's action of sharing the engagement privately with her grandmother is generally appropriate, provided it remains private and does not escalate into a public announcement during the shower itself. A constructive recommendation would be for the OP to communicate her news to her grandmother as planned, emphasizing that this is a private moment of joy between them. For the baby shower, she should wear the ring naturally; if the news surfaces, she should briefly acknowledge it and immediately redirect the focus back to her sister and the baby, thereby demonstrating respect for the event's purpose.
HERE’S HOW REDDIT BLEW UP AFTER HEARING THIS – PEOPLE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT.:
What started as a simple post quickly turned into a wildfire of opinions, with users chiming in from all sides.
The original poster feels torn between her desire to share significant personal news, her engagement, with a beloved, aging relative and the concern that doing so might overshadow her sister's upcoming baby shower. This conflict highlights the tension between personal milestones and perceived family sensitivities.
Is sharing the news of a long-term engagement privately with a grandmother the day before a major family event an act of necessary personal sharing, or does it demonstrate a lack of consideration for the central focus of the impending celebration?