AITAH for ghosting my ex fiancé’s dad after she said no and left me at the alter?
At just 15, he was shattered by a devastating car accident that took his entire family, leaving him orphaned and adrift in a world that suddenly felt unbearably cold. In the midst of his darkest hour, his then-girlfriend and her family became his sanctuary, wrapping him in a love and acceptance that filled the void left by tragedy. Her father, a man who treated him like his own son, became his anchor, guiding him through grief and inspiring his dreams as he pursued a future in law.
Despite the warmth of this newfound family, loneliness lingered in the quiet corners of his life, a yearning for deeper connection and partnership. His proposal was not just a promise of marriage but a desperate hope for a shared life, a beacon against solitude, and a testament to the fragile yet fierce human spirit that seeks love and belonging even after the greatest loss.
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According to Dr. Harriet Lerner, an expert in psychology and author of 'The Dance of Anger,' intense emotional reactions following significant relational betrayal are often predictable, especially when triggered against a background of pre-existing trauma. The OP's fiancé backed out of a marriage commitment publicly, shattering a carefully constructed sense of stability the OP had built after being orphaned. The subsequent actions—throwing out belongings and going on the honeymoon alone—represent a maladaptive, impulsive attempt to regain control and process overwhelming shock and humiliation.
The motivations are complex: the fiancé's father represents a pillar of stability and paternal love that the OP deeply values and depends on professionally. The initial ghosting and avoidance were likely defensive mechanisms against the pain of seeing someone who resembled the daughter who betrayed him. The father's current outreach, offering an apology on behalf of his daughter and extending an olive branch to continue the professional and familial relationship, presents a critical crossroads. The OP's behavior, while understandable as a trauma-informed outburst, was destructive to immediate relationships, particularly by avoiding the man who acted as his mentor and father figure.
The OP's actions were an extreme, albeit emotionally driven, response to shock. Professionally, the best course is to accept the father’s offer to return to work, but only after establishing clear, professional boundaries for this new phase. The OP should communicate directly and calmly with the father, thanking him for his understanding and clarifying that the relationship must now focus on mentorship without the pressure of the former familial entanglement, thereby preserving the professional support structure.
REDDIT USERS WERE STUNNED – YOU WON’T BELIEVE SOME OF THESE REACTIONS.:
What started as a simple post quickly turned into a wildfire of opinions, with users chiming in from all sides.
The individual experienced a severe emotional trauma stemming from the sudden public rejection at their wedding, compounded by the previous loss of their entire biological family. This led to an immediate, intense reaction of throwing away belongings and leaving for a planned trip alone, isolating himself from the supportive surrogate family who had helped him through his initial grief.
Given the deep personal betrayal and the subsequent community gossip, is the initial extreme reaction of cutting off contact and destroying property justified as a trauma response, or does it constitute an overreaction that jeopardized a vital, supportive relationship with the former fiancé's father?