AITA I helped my girlfriend cure her anorexia, she broke up with me but still wants my help, I refused to help her
In the quiet corners of a grad school classroom, two lives intertwined in a story of struggle and hope. He saw beyond her fragile frame and downcast eyes, recognizing the silent battle she fought against anorexia and despair. What began as a simple project partnership soon became a lifeline, as he reached out with empathy and strength, offering a path toward healing through shared determination and care.
Their journey was anything but easy—each step forward marked by courage and resilience. Yet, with every visit to the gym and every meal carefully planned, she reclaimed not just her body but her spirit. From the shadows of isolation, their friendship blossomed into love, a powerful force transforming pain into progress and despair into newfound joy.
As renowned researcher Dr. Brené Brown explains, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
This situation highlights a classic conflict between personal boundaries and perceived caretaking responsibilities within an intimate context. The OP acted as a primary motivator and support structure for his partner's significant health improvements (weight gain, increased activity). When the romantic relationship ended, the OP understandably sought to re-establish emotional distance to process his own hurt, which manifested as withdrawing the gym mentorship. However, the partner, still fragile in her recovery (as evidenced by her fear of relapse), likely perceived this sudden withdrawal not as a boundary, but as abandonment of a crucial support mechanism he himself helped create. This dynamic often occurs when mentorship and caretaking become deeply intertwined with the romantic relationship; severing one feels like threatening the other.
The OP's action to immediately terminate mentorship was emotionally appropriate for him, as he needed space from a painful reminder, but the delivery was lacking in empathy for her vulnerability. A more constructive approach would have been to communicate the boundary clearly but with a transition plan. For example, acknowledging her fear and offering to help her transition her gym routine to another trainer or class for a set period (e.g., two weeks) while maintaining his romantic boundary could have mitigated the perception of cruelty while still protecting his need for separation.
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When users weighed in, they held nothing back. It’s a raw, honest look at what people really think.
The original poster (OP) is grappling with the emotional aftermath of a sudden breakup, feeling hurt by the decision after investing significant time and effort into supporting his girlfriend's recovery from anorexia and depression. His attempt to set a firm boundary by withdrawing his gym mentorship immediately after the split led to intense conflict, with his ex-girlfriend accusing him of being cruel and heartless for abandoning her perceived support system during a vulnerable time.
The core question is whether the OP was justified in prioritizing his own emotional well-being and ending his supportive role immediately following the relationship's conclusion, or if he had an ongoing ethical responsibility to ensure his ex-partner's mental and physical stability, given that he helped initiate her recovery path. Should personal emotional boundaries override perceived caretaking duties in a newly dissolved romantic relationship?
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AITA for refusing to let my mom move into my new house
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