Update on AITAH for considering leaving my fiancé over a drunken “joke”
In the quiet aftermath of shattered trust, a pr***ant woman grapples with a betrayal so deep it rends the very fabric of her world. After five and a half years of commitment, the man she loved and trusted abandons her and their unborn child, leaving her to face a future clouded with pain and uncertainty.
Beneath the weight of exhaustion and heartbreak, she confronts a moment of violation that shatters the fragile remnants of their relationship. His cruel words and callous actions ignite a fierce fire within her—a fire that refuses to be extinguished, even as she prepares to bring new life into the world alone.
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As renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman explains, “The most important thing in the world is not the problem, but the relationship you have with the person you are having the problem with.” This statement highlights that even when conflicts arise, the underlying connection and communication structure dictate the outcome. In this situation, the relationship structure was deeply flawed, evidenced by the partner’s explicit criticisms regarding the OP's pregnancy-related physical changes and her desire to adjust her work schedule.
The incident involving sexual intimacy while the OP was asleep represents a critical failure of boundaries and communication, leading the OP to react with extreme language. While the partner’s subsequent decision to end the relationship over text, especially during pregnancy, reveals a severe lack of respect and emotional maturity (particularly given the 14-year age gap), the relationship was already characterized by underlying resentment from the partner. His stated reasons—dislike of her physical and life changes—indicate a deep incompatibility and a failure on his part to accept the realities of shared adult life and impending parenthood.
The OP’s actions immediately following the sexual incident were a result of a profound violation, though the partner dismissed this. Professionally, the partner’s behavior—criticizing her body and then leaving her while she is pregnant and facing potential housing insecurity—is highly inappropriate. The constructive recommendation for the OP is to immediately pivot focus from relationship reconciliation or external validation (what family/friends think) toward securing her financial and housing stability, while leveraging available legal and social support systems for co-parenting arrangements, rather than relying on his admission that he is 'not a dad type.'
THIS STORY SHOOK THE INTERNET – AND REDDITORS DIDN’T HOLD BACK.:
When users weighed in, they held nothing back. It’s a raw, honest look at what people really think.
The original poster is facing significant emotional devastation after her partner of five and a half years abruptly ended the relationship via text message while she is six months pregnant. The central conflict lies between her expectation of commitment and support during a difficult pregnancy and his stated desire to leave due to dissatisfaction with her physical and lifestyle changes, culminating in a severe breach of trust regarding sexual intimacy.
Considering the partner's stated unhappiness and decision to leave, was the OP's immediate reaction during the sexual incident justified given the context of her pregnancy and prior exhaustion, or did this event serve only as the final catalyst for a relationship already deemed unsalvageable by the partner? How can the OP best focus her energy now on securing her well-being and preparing for single parenthood?